Born To Die

Chapter 10

Yeah, now I know. I know everything.

I know the hurtful truth. And I feel bad, about my mom for being such a cruel mother, but also I feel pity towards her, because she never wanted to hurt me.

Love/hate relationships are the hardest.

I feel bad about the father I've never had, about Dave who jumped from this fucking roof because of me, because of my rejection, bad about myself for hoping that one day I'll meet my mother again and get out of this nightmare.

I'm hurt. I'm destroyed, how the hell a mother could do something like that?! Get married to a man who actually helped her sending her daughter miles away, and pretend everything's okay?! But... She is still my mom... UGH!

I stayed silent for a moment trying to understand what just happened, staring at this damn letter, I wanted to rip it, throw it away, I wanted to jump from the roof like Dave did. He made the right choice.

I'll stay here, for the rest of my life.
I knew it. This was a sad ending. All my hopes, all the prayers and wishes that one day she'll come back and take me away, well, they were gone. Totally gone.

I hated my life, I hated myself, all the people around me.

I could've helped her earning money, I could've worked in a coffee shop, McDonald's or whatever! But no, sending her daughter in a school full of crazy people and freaks was easier.

Tears, tears and more tears started flooding my eyes.

I wanted someone to be there and tell me it's okay, but no one was going to be there.

And I knew I had to be strong for myself, because no one could fix me.
But I was tired of waiting for nothing, tired of having to be the one to fix myself. Tired of being strong.

I expect too much from people.

And for once i just wanted it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.

But I knew I won't be.

A familiar scent flew to my nostrils.

I raised my head, only to see Zack was here at the door. I wanted to hug him, cry on his shoulder and forget everything.

"Leave you alone, eh? Come here."

I threw myself at him and hugged him so tight. I cried louder.

"Mindy told me, it's awful, Kim. I'm so sorry."

Sorry will not change anything though.

He looked at me, and, for a second kissed me. I forgot my mom, Dave, the man, all those hurtfull things and kissed him back.

"Everything's going to be okay, do you trust me?" he whispered in my ear.

"I trust you, but please don't hurt me, I won't handle it..." I said in a breaking voice.

"I won't hurt you." he whispered, cupping my chin.

He came closer, put his hands on my hip and I put mine around his neck, and we kissed more, and more. I didn't want this to stop.

Feeling his lips touching mine, kissing mine was amazing, wonderful and magic. It wasn't sparks, but a wildfire that was erupting from our touch.

"I love you Kim, you'll be safe with me."

"I love you too, Zack."

****************

The next day I woke up, lying down in his arms. Jeez! It was the best night I've ever had.

I didn't want to think about my family or about anything else.

I looked at him, he was still sleeping. I ran my fingers through his dark,
messy hair and stared at him, his lips were swollen from yesterday, so were mine. He was so fucking cute.

"Heyy baby." he said, gently kissing my cheek.

"Hey..." I smiled.

"I know yesterday night was so unexpected but...." he blushed.

"Stop. It was amazing" I smiled wider.

"I love it when you smile." he said, running a finger across my lower lip.

"You're making me blush."

He caressed my face with his fingertips and said:

"You're so beautiful."

Then he kissed me again, slowly, with tenderness.

"Kim, you'll never be alone okay? No one's going to spend his life here! You don't have anywhere to go, I know that, but I promise we'll find a solution, together."

It was so nice, so kind from him! But he was still a player. He was still playing me. And I was still falling into his dangerous claws. He was still a dickhead that slept with half of the country.

"Zack, I'm sorry I...  I can't. I can't do this." I suddenly blurted out, sitting up.

"Why?" he frowned.

"I was just a 'one night stand' like all the girls you slept with!" I lowered my eyes.

"Kim no!"

"Oh please! Now you're telling me that one night changed you? No Zack, I'm sorry, I'm hurt enough. Last night was amazing I admit, but I can't trust you. Now go away."

"Listen to me!"

"GO AWAY!"

"If that's what you really want..."

He put his shoes on and opened the door.

"Zack wait! You forgot your t-shirt, it's on the bed, take it." I wanted to tell him to stay! Just stay! Please! Look in my eyes and understand, I need you to stay, idiot!

"Oh yeah..."

I didn't want him to go! I wanted to stay in his arms, feeling safe, but no...it was impossible, it was wrong.

I fell asleep again, hoping that I could wake up at home, in my bed.

***********

I slept for like half an hour, and the minute I opened my eyes, Dave was standing right in front of me. It wasn't a gost! It was Dave! He wasn't dead! I am sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"Dave! Oh my God!!"

"Making out with Zack Hall? Oh dear... I thought you were not that stupid."

"I'm not stupid! I told him that I can't do this! Dave, you didn't have to kill yourself because of my rejection. You didn't have to leave us like you did! Please stay with us! Stay with me!"

"You don't need me anyways..."

"I do need you! I need my brother back!"

"I can't stay, Kim"

"Wh-whyy!? You're here! Please! Stayy...!" I cried.

"I'm dead."

"NO! You're not! I can see you!"

"Goodbye, Kim"

He started fading away.

"DAVEE NOOOOO!!!!!! STAYYY I'M BEGGING YOU STAY!! Please.. " I felt so weak.

I started crying, over and over again. He was gone. Really gone.

"Kim ! What's happening?! Why are you shouting like that?! I heard you from downstairs!" Mindy rushed into my room, like a mad woman.

"He's gone. Dave. He's gone."

"I know, dear."

"We made out yesterday, with Zack. He left me too."

"Oh.." Mindy sighed.

She hugged me and swept away my tears.