Unexpected Passions (Sterek)

9. In hiding still

Stiles-

"Derek I swear to God if you don't let me walk to the bathroom on my own this time I will kill you. Slowly. With one of Allison's wolfsbane-laced daggers."

He chuckles and kisses me square on the mouth before releasing his hold on me and allowing me to go do my business.

Closing the door behind me, I step to the side and wait about four seconds before abruptly opening it, causing him to fall over from his leaning position against it.

I look down at him as he sheepishly smiles up at me, flashing all of his perfect white teeth, no doubt trying to dazzle me into submission. Not gonna work.

"Derek. Out. NOW."

He groans, mumbling something about humans being way too fragile physically AND mentally as he walks out and sits back on my bed.

I walk over and sit on the shower bench, putting my head in my hands. Taking a few slow, deep breaths and closing my eyes, I begin to calm myself down from the panic attack I could feel bubbling right below the surface.

I hadn't gotten one of these since a little after my mom died, but ever since my hospital trip I've been getting them a few times a week.

Miraculously, they're one of the few things that Derek hasn't picked up on yet, and I'm doing my best to make sure he never does.

He already worries about me so much and I can't even think about giving him one more thing to worry about. I take one last calming breath, flush the toilet, and walk back over to Derek.

He's lying on my bed, on his stomach with his head towards the top, fiddling with the remote for my fan.

As quietly as I can I walk up to his feet and slowly crawl onto the bed and up his body, relaxing myself onto his back and nuzzling my nose into his neck.

He lets out a small moan and turns his head to get me in his peripherals.

"I could so easily fall asleep like this you know." I kiss his neck in agreement.

Another moan.

"Or maybe not..."

He flips me over and brings his lips down to mine, and I mirror the motions, his mouth is making perfectly.

We've become so in-sync over the past month that it completely blows my mind.

We're like a well-oiled machine when it comes to sex, knowing exactly what the other person wants and how we can give it to them.

There's only one thing still bugging me as Derek's tongue parts my lips. I pull back gently.

"Derek... when are we gonna tell people we're together? I don't want to secretly flirt at training and meetings anymore... I want to be open about this. At least with the rest of the pack."

I feel him stiffen at his position in my neck. Shit. I shouldn't have brought this up yet. He brings his head up to look at me.

"Stiles, I can't. Not yet."

I reach up and trace a finger down his face. He closes his eyes and leans into it, literally like a puppy. Why does he have to be so damn cute? I let out a sigh.

"Why can't you? Are you afraid of people knowing you love a guy?"

He shakes his head and gently bites the pad of my finger, attempting to distract me from the question no doubt.

"Then why Derek?" I'm not giving up on this.
He exhales and looks right into my eyes. "They might not give me the same... respect anymore."

I pull my hand away from his mouth immediately as he realizes what he said. "Oh shit Stiles... shit... that's not what I meant..."

I look up at him, vacating all emotions from my eyes that are beginning to tear up and try to push him off me. It's like pushing a wall.

"What...why would you even say that?"

His eyes are huge as he reaches his hands down to my face. "Stiles, I didn't mean it to sound like that... please, just let me explain. Please, I-"

"Just go Derek. GO."

I feel a sharp pain in my still-healing ribs from the effort of trying to push him off of me and I let out a quiet gasp.

He rolls off without even touching me but he's on the ground at the edge of my bed and by my side in an instant, worry all over his face.

"Stiles are you okay? Shit. I'm so fucking sorry."

I feel his hand gently touch my ribcage as he attempts to take the pain away but I push it off, wanting to feel everything right now. I look at him, my eyes tearing up again.

"Go. Please. I'm sorry I embarrass you so much."

He looks at me with fear in his eyes. "You don't embar-"

"I need to be alone. Get out."

The look on his face right then almost crushes me to the ground, but I'm too sad and embarrassed to let him stay and try and fix this.

I watch as he slowly walks over to the window and crawls out, glancing back at me one last time just as the first of many tears began rolling down my face.

I get up and walk over, shutting the window and pulling down the shades. I realize that I probably should have given him a better chance to explain but I was beginning to feel the all-too-familiar panic start to bubble up in my chest and I couldn't let him see me like this.

Turning around, I sit on the ground, pulling my knees up to my chest as I begin to gasp for breath.