Selcouth [Complete]

Chapter 2

The weekend ended and the kids went back to their house. Wijdan and Zoha were back to being normal around each other, well as normal as a messed up couple could get. The routine had gone back to as it was and things were looking back to being the part of the norm.
But what came to Zoha as a surprise was Inara’s continuous demand of leaving her at Nano’s place during the weekends. She’d start whining after coming back from school every Friday and wouldn’t shut up until the driver dropped her at Rehman residence. This wasn’t something to fret over. Wijdan was okay with it because Adeem and Afaaf hadn’t shown the same enthusiasm as Inara on the prospect of staying at their Nanu’s. They were teenagers now and were busy in their studies and friends almost all the time. So it wasn’t possible for them to share Inara’s sentiments.
But this was just the start. Over the time Inara had slowly drifted more distant from the family. She was almost always at Rehman residence and even though Zoha didn’t like it she was at least convinced that her daughter was with her parents only. Wijdan on the other hand never took much interest in where Inara was on the weekends. He was busier than ever. His promotion and ever increasing contacts had him totally invested in his work and circle.
But Zoha knew she had to intervene when she got to know from Afaaf that Nano had come to school to meet Inara’s teacher. This was the heights. No matter how much love and respect Zoha had for her mother, it wasn’t acceptable to her that she was meddling in her kid’s business.
“You have to stop, Ammi! In fact both of you have to stop! Inara can’t always stay here at your place. You know Wijdan, he can get real brutal when he wants to and one thing he never compromise on is the kids’ studies and their upbringing. I’m also of the same view. This is something we should take care of.”
Mrs. Amina poured the tea into the cups and handed one to Zoha.
“At least there is something you both can agree on.”
“Ammi, I…”
“Have you ever spent at least half an hour with your daughter and no, teaching her or confiscating her certificates doesn’t count.”
Zoha looked away.
“Exactly! Your daughter is feeling as a misfit in your perfect family, Zoha. She’s self-depreciating. She thinks that she doesn’t live up to any standards your so called family has. Do you have any idea how this is affecting her? She’s looking for an escape. She can’t stand her own family for longer than a week. You should be happy that her escape is only her Nanu’s home; she isn’t looking for it anywhere else. You never cared for her feelings so don’t do that even now. Let me handle this because with the way you and Wijdan are going, you guys will end up making her doubt herself some more.”
Guilt had started eating Zoha from within. Whatever her mother had voiced out, Zoha wasn’t unaware of it. She was just acting indifferent because this was easier than standing against her in laws and husband who had higher standards in everything and Inara didn’t fulfill any of their criteria. She wasn’t good in the subjects they thought were important for kids to excel at, she wasn’t prime and sharp, rather clumsy and laid back and she also hadn’t inherited her family famous sharp features and complexion. She was beautiful but not in the typical Sukhera way. And all this had somehow made her an outcast in her own family. Zoha had always thought this wasn’t something she could do anything about and thinking so she never even tried doing what she could actually do, loving Inara and trying to work on her insecurities. The result was now in front of her. Inara was growing distant from them all with each passing day.

*

The opened book was lying on the windowsill. Its pages were still as the panes had been bolted to not let the wind and rain in. Consequently, the rain was falling on the glass and making itself known.
Inara had come to the window to enjoy her book with a cup of tea but seeing the way it was raining she had become lost. The view outside wasn’t something to ignore. So she let it make scenery on the canvas of her memory.
This was soothing to her mind which wasn’t at peace for many days now. Her CAIE results had come a week back and since then a debate had ensued in the house. Her father wasn’t pleased with the number of As she had scored. Her result was on average good but average good and Sukhera good were two different things and as the norm, Inara had failed to reach the Sukhera level.
Now, according to her father her future was a big question mark as she wouldn’t be able to get into the university he had in his mind for her neither she’d be able to get a seat in the degree program he wanted for her. This also meant she won’t be fit for sitting in the CSS exam, something which was like cakewalk for her family for so many years. Adeem was already on the road to becoming a bureaucrat like his father. Same was true for Afaaf, though both were in different branches but they were where their father had hoped them to reach.
Inara as usual was called to her father’s study and that’s when the old age rebuking started. Zoha was also around and as always she didn’t say anything.
But this Inara wasn’t the same eight year old who had cried herself to sleep the day her mother had snatched her excellence certificate from her. This Inara had learnt to put her point across her family no matter how unyielding they would be looking.
Living at her Nanu’s house most of the times had proven the best decision any elder had ever taken for her. Her confidence in herself had slowly reformed, though she was still not there like her siblings. The lack of care had turned her into someone who didn’t speak unless it was necessary. Her interest in things related to her home life and her family was limited. And giving her opinion, she had never done that. She was living like a guest in her own house. Only her room was the place in there where she was totally herself. And her Nano’s place where she was actually a guest felt like her safe heaven but for how long?
For a while she tried being the person her parents wanted her to be. She had understood that being different was a bane of her life so she chose to work on herself. She started striving for better grades, started acting like Afaaf and following in Adeem’s footsteps. But it all exhausted her. And there was no appreciation for her efforts from her parents or siblings. Wijdan and Zoha didn’t acknowledge it at all and Afaaf snorted telling her she could never get there.
Adeem was the only person who was saddened by this. And that night he had taken her to the lawn and said those words to her which were with Inara even now.
“I love you because you’re my sister and I’m going to keep on loving you no matter how different you’re from us. This difference, it makes you unique, Inara. You have your own specialties which don’t match with ours but that doesn’t mean they don’t matter. Stop being someone you’re not. I know it’s hard not being able to be true to what they all want you to but it’s even harder not being true to yourself. They don’t love you like this. You should at least love yourself the way you are.”
This was the moment Inara gave up on pleasing her family. From there on she was the same Inara her family could never come to terms with. She started working on the things she was passionate about.
Literature, books, creative writing, history.
And after passing her high school she wanted to further pursue any of these as her major in the university. She knew before anyone else that she wasn’t cut out for civil service, something her father so vehemently insisted on. But now they all also knew and Inara was satisfied.
“Inara, beti?”
She came out of her thoughts and looked at the house help.
“Sir is calling you in his study.”
“Again?”
Inara said aloud and nodding her head followed her outside of the room.
She wasn’t expecting both Adeem and Afaaf to be also present there with Zoha and Wijdan. That told her she was in for something big.
“Yes, Baba?”
Her father gestured her to sit down and pushed a pile of paper towards her. By the looks of it they were admission forms of some sort.
Inara eyed it with a scowl on her face and soon enough her confusion had gotten clear.
“I used my contacts and you’ve been selected in the university I had chosen for you in the faculty I had in mind. Fill this up and hand it back to me. And be ready. The classes will start from next month.”
Inara glanced at her mother and siblings. Zoha was smiling as if this was her wish as well but deep down Inara knew she wanted her to play along. Afaaf was indifferent while Adeem was concerned.
“I won’t.”
Wijdan was taken aback.
“What?”
“I won’t go to this university and I clearly won’t be majoring in that!”
She pointed towards the degree.
Wijdan narrowed his eyes. He wasn’t used to his kids refusing him or contradicting with his plans for their future.
“I’ve already applied for a university in Lahore.”
All of them were shocked. Adeem grinned.
“When and in which major?”
“While I was at Nano’s and the Major is English Literature.”
Wijdan’s lips formed into a hard line.
“I’m pretty sure my name will be there on the merit list whenever they display it. You don’t have to worry about that. Also I’ll be living in the hostel. So I think accommodation issues are also set.”
“What if I don’t pay for this?”
Inara smiled dejectedly.
“You can do as you please, Baba. You’re the boss here. I’m not your most favourite kid so it’s pretty useless on my part to ask any favours from you. But both you and I know, in fact every person in this room knows that Civil Service isn’t for me. If you still push me through this then you’ll be doing both yourself and me an injustice. I want to choose a field I can actually work in, Baba. Not just drift through with the pressure of proving myself because let’s be honest here, there’s nothing to prove. Your two star kids are sitting right to your left and I’m the ugly duckling. I’ve always been that and to tell you the truth there’s nothing else I strive to be because there’s no point.”
Heavy silence had followed after which stayed there for god knows how long.
“Do let us know when the merit list is displayed and about all the dues. I also want to know about the hostel you’ll be staying at.”
It was Zoha who had come up with the decision.
“Sure, Mama. Can I go now?”
Zoha nodded. No further words were exchanged between them. Inara turned around and starting walking towards the door.
“I told you not to send her to your parents’ every other weekend. Now do you see what’s happening here?”
Wijdan had rounded on Zoha as usual. Afaaf was trying to cool him down. Adeem was by his mother’s side but Inara didn’t stop. Opening the door she was out of the study and closed it with a faint click behind her.
Her family was inside.
And she was outside.
And somehow it hurt but didn’t hurt at the same time.