Scared To Get Close (Lee Malia/ BMTH)

Chapter 2- Happy Song

Don't wake us up, we'd rather just keep dreaming. Cause' the nightmares in our heads are bad enough. And I really wish that you could help, but my head is like a carousel. And I'm going round in circles, I'm going round in circles.

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*Stephanie's Point of View. *

Waking up I grab my phone and instantly to look at the time, 10:00am. Oli will be here in about an hour.

I am excited to see my brother, don't get me wrong, because I do miss him when he's on tour, but I know he's going to ask about what happened at the club. The fact that I'm probably going to have both Tom and Oli asking me about what happened scares me, I'm worried, I'm going to crack and tell them what happened. I can't crack, they can't know.

Letting out a sigh, I jump out of bed before changing out of my pyjamas and into some clean clothes. My outfit for the day consisted of some black ripped skinny jeans, a plain white t-shirt, and my black Drop-Dead hoody that Lee had bought me quite a while ago.

I miss Lee. When I met the rest of Oli's band (Bring Me the Horizon) I clicked with all of them as they're such great guys, but it was Lee who I got the closest to out of all of them. I miss him, I miss our inside jokes we have with each other; I miss the way things used to be, but that Stephanie is gone, those times are gone.

I feel guilty now.

Lee and I use to text each other all the time but after what happened at the club, it stopped. I stopped replying to his messages, to which he would send multiple messages; especially after I stopped replying I think he panicked and sent many more. But after a while of me not replying he stopped texting me, he gave up on me, like many other people have. I really wouldn't be surprised if Tom and Oli give up on me soon.

Sighing, and pushing away my thoughts, I head downstairs to the kitchen to get some breakfast.

"Morning mum." I greet her showing no emotion.

"Hey Steph. Oli will be here soon." She states making me roll my eyes at her (as if I didn't already know that) while I grab a bowl before pouring out some cereal into it.

"Yeah, I know." I say bluntly pouring milk into the cereal and then going to sit down at the table just as Tom walks into the kitchen before copying my actions- the only difference is he was much more polite towards our mother.

"How're you feeling this morning, Steph?" Tom asks as he sits opposite me.

Not bothering to reply I look up at him briefly before looking back down again and finishing the last of my cereal before standing up and placing my bowl into the sink. After that, I take one quick look of Tom, whose face contains worry, and run upstairs to my room.

Once inside my room, I shut my door before sitting down on my bed and placing my head in my hands.

I hate this. I hate what Dylan's done to me. The constant memory of his face that night, constantly being able to feel his rough touch on me. I feel dirty, even scrubbing my skin until it's red and raw doesn't help get the dirty feeling away; it's like it is deep inside of my soul.

"Stephanie?" A voice then calls me from my door making me look up.

"Hey Oli." I smile slightly at him wiping under my eyes to make sure I hadn't been crying.

"Come here." He sighs, opening his arms wide, to which I walk over to him and instantly hug him as his arms wrap around me. "I've been worried sick about you Steph. Tom's been telling me about how you've been waking up screaming every night."

"It's nothing. It's stupid really." I say trying to crack a smile to lighten the mood and to ease his mind; of course, this fails though.

"Come on Steph. You and I both know that's not true. What really happened that night?" He asks staring at me; it was almost as if he was trying to see through my cover ups to get to the truth.

That night.

'That night' is how it's usually referred to now. I really dislike the way my family say the phrase. It makes feel like they like somewhat already know what happened; but they don't. They wouldn't even be close to knowing the trauma, the pain, the embarrassment, and shame of that night.

"Nothing happened Oli, I've told you and Tom this loads of times." I tell him making him let out another sigh before he pulls out of the hug we were sharing; he knows, he knows it's all a lie.

"Come on tour with me." He speaks, making it less a question and almost a demand- well thanks Oliver. You're making it sound as if I have no choice.

"I don't know. I don't want to be bothering you and the band." I say looking down- going on tour with him means there will be more people bothering me about "that night" which could result in me cracking and letting the secret out of the bag. I can't let that happen; no one will ever look at me the same way.

"You won't bother us Steph." Oli laughs slightly "anyway, when was the last time you saw the guys? They all miss you, especially Lee."

"I don't know. Let me think about it." I sigh.

"Okay. Well, come on, let's go downstairs with Tom. Mum has just gone out which means Sykes sibling party." He smirks at me which results in me rolling my eyes at him whilst tying my hardest not to laugh.

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"Oh, look what the cat dragged in." Tom smirks before laughing.

"Thanks Tom." I say rolling my eyes at him whilst giving him the finger.

"No, I was talking about Oli. Bout time you get your hair cut and get rid of those curtains mate." Tom continues to tease whilst still laughing.

"Oh, fuck off mate." Oli groans whilst following my previous action and flipping Tom off.

"Make me." Tom then challenges him; this instantly making Oli run towards him before putting him in a headlock.

And soon the two of them are full on wrestling which is nothing new. As children mum was constantly splitting them apart and telling them to include me in their games; including me was the only way to stop the two from disagreeing and arguing as much.

"Try getting away now you cunt!" Oli says pinning Tom down onto the ground making me laugh before I instantly stop laughing.

"Stop fighting me!" Dylan shouts pinning me down onto the bed, restricting my movement, his strength was much stronger than mine.

Vulnerable. That's how I felt. I was weak under his grip, and I couldn't do anything about it. I had to let it happen. I had to endure the sick and twisted things as he damaged me both physically and mentally.

I had to.

Feeling the familiar twisting feeling in my stomach I instantly run back upstairs and into the bathroom before throwing up what I had eaten that morning.

"Hey Steph. You okay?" I then hear Oli ask from the door before suddenly appearing next to me.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine." I sigh leaning my head on my brother's shoulder.

"Steph, I know you're not okay." Oli says making me look up at him. "Please just come on tour with me and the guys. You'll have a great time, and we can help you."

Do I go on tour with Oli? I mean, I do kind of miss the other guy of Bring Me and I guess it could be fun. But I just need to make sure they don't find out about Dylan. Plus, I may have lost my best friend, Lee; I've probably hurt him beyond forgiveness, and it would kill me to not have him in my life.

God this is going to be a challenge.

"Okay."