Fallen Woman[ON HOLD]

xxx

dear reader

this is my thirtieth week in grad school and swimming in self-doubt.

i took all weekend off from anything work-related.

watching Gilmore Girls with lily.

while playing card games.

 and having homemade pizza baking as well.

i thought i could pretend that nothing was bothering me.

but she saw underneath my act.

as she kept calling me off.

from my big fudge.

lily: i've won three rounds, i think it's clear that you're better at love

me: i'm not so sure about it

lily: gee, what happened?

me: he mentioned marriage

lily: did he now?

me: he did and it freaked me out

lily: what part of it exactly?

me: i mean... my parent's separated and it's also too early to think about that

lily: do you love him though?

me: of course i do

lily: can you imagine being with anyone else?

me: no, but-

lily: but what? what's the matter?

me: the matter is... t-the matter is in timing

lily: you think the timing is wrong?

me: yeah, isn't it a little weird to get married after less than four months of dating?

lily: no because there's no such a thing as the right timing for marriage

me: so you think i should just go with it with my fear and everything?

lily: yes if you love him

me: okay, but i also wanna pray about it

lily: then pray; i'm sure God has the best advice for you on this topic

me: thanks anyway, you're the best!

lily: all i want is for you to be happy, liv

me: i know that, lil