THE BEAST ─ five hargreeves

[ 053 ] up next on animal planet: angry bear vs. swedish fish

LIII.

u p n e x t o n
a n i m a l p l a n e t :
a n g r y b e a r v s .
s w e d i s h f i s h

( o h ,   a n d   z a r a
d i e s ,   b u t t h a t' s
n o t i m p o r t a n t )

—FIVE WAS EXPECTING a number of things to happen when one of the Malfoy brothers started kicking his ass, but Zara running in out of nowhere and attempting to save him—save him, of all people—was not one of them.

She sprang forward, brandishing her scalpel like a brunette valkyrie of old, and promptly stuck her blade into the Swede's thigh.

Without hesitating, he gripped the scalpel and, with one swift tug, pulled it right out of his leg. He held it up to examine it in the light. When he saw what it was, the anger in his face turned to confusion. No longer wary of this pathetic young girl, he tossed the blade to the side.

"Oh," said Zara. "This is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed."

"Zara!" Five was panting as he struggled to sit up against the wall. "Zara, you need to get out of here—you need to go!"

But she ignored him, speaking to the Swede with resignation.

"Well, that's that, I suppose," she said. "There are worse deaths than being taken out dramatically by a time-travelling Nordic assassin. It's almost poetic. Make the end nice and painless, would you? I've had sort of a crummy week and I really don't feel up to the whole dying an excruciatingly painful death thing. Perhaps if we'd done this tomorrow—"

"Zara!" yelled Five.

She glanced over, sidestepping quickly as the Swede lunged for her throat.

"Yeah, Five? Oh, I'm sorry. I don't think you've been properly introduced to Five, Mr—er, Scandinavian Barbie Man." She ducked another blow. "He's the short one over there. A real buzzkill, let me tell you. And he's got this weird fixation on saving the world—futile, if you ask me—not that anybody ever does ask me—"

The man took a dagger from his belt and poured out a spate of angry Swedish.

Zara shook her head. "I don't speak Swedish, dude. Five—hey, Five? Do you know what he's saying? It'd be nice to have a little heart-to-heart before he kills us both."

Five wasn't sure whether to translate. He was almost ready to accept his fate, and he didn't want his last words to be Swedish cursing foul enough to make even a fishwife go red in the face.

An idea came to him—a risky idea. But all his life, Five had taken the risky way. He did so now.

"He's saying sharks are mindless killers. And Jaws was scientifically accurate."

For the first time that evening, Zara looked a little annoyed.

"Sharks aren't killers," she said to the Swede. "In fact, the entire portrayal of Jaws has had lasting impacts on the marine ecosystem."

The man lunged at her again. This time she was quicker. She stepped away and managed a backheel to the knee. Better . . . but not enough.