Dilemma - Collection of Oneshots [BxB|18+]

Repeat Until Death

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There's not a moment that I don't love you. Not a moment that I forget how endearing you are. There's not a single time I didn't think of you, constantly remembering you in every breath I take.

You constantly run inside my mind. Twirling and dominating in every corner of my narrow memory, beautifully dance in between every crease of my brain. Hugging me so tenderly with the warm atmosphere that you constantly produce.

It's endearing. Every part of you is endearing.

You are so endearing that it makes everything around me reminded me of you. Every part of my world seems to belong to you. Every part of me is for you. Every fracture of my heart belongs to you.

That's why... I was so happy back then. I was so... happy to the point I can't even breathe properly. 

It was such a delighted time when we're finally united as one. It was such an indescribable feeling as after so many hardships and up and downs of our lives, we're finally able to be together. 

And not a single time I regretted that decision. Not even a glimpse I thought that as a mistake. In fact, I always thought of it as a blessing. That the deity was finally kind enough to give you as a present to my once bleak life.

Because since you arrive, everything seems more beautiful, more endearing and bearable. Everything becomes easier and... brighter.

Yes... having you was such a bright time for me. To finally be able to see you every day, to feel your presence every time in our repeatedly routine. To be able to be beside you and creating every moment together. It was such a bright and endearing time.

I keep on remembering those precious times, where your endearing giggles filled the small house we once lived in and the gentle pitter-patter of your feet is echoing on every surface of our home.

I keep on repeating at those times, where your smile is the first thing I see in the bright morning and your pair of clear eyes in the dark of night as the last thing I remembered before closing mine.

And now, I even see you inside my unconsciousness. It makes me starts to appreciate more how pretty those many smiles were and how truly beautiful your eyes were. It begins to give me the memory of how beautiful the silhouette of you that were hit by the bright morning, or the endearing delicate features of you that were glowing by the faint moonlight.

It makes me want to not open my eyes, makes me want to keep on repeating all of these beautiful memories just so I can see you once again. So that I can feel your presence that is getting fainter every time passes.

I often think when will my time come? When will the deity finally take me to meet you? To be kind and unite us together as one again?

Should I be the one who makes the decision if God didn't dare to? Should I be the one who takes the leap if death is still reluctant to take my already outstretched hand?

I... I just can't take it anymore.

I've getting impatient with how slow the time ticks. I've getting restless at how everything seems to be quieter and empty as new void memory filled my mind, just passing and never had any intention to stay.

I... it hurts. To just being used as a temporary place to rest. It hurts that every time a new memory arrived, it's just a bleak one without having any intention to give me another reason to be happy.

I'm tired of all of these. I'm tired.

So that's why... can they just accept my hand and lead me to you? Can they just let me go and... let me finally united with you?

I love you, Phi. I still am, even after years of your passing. Even after my body has gone old and frail. Even as I lay here on a foreign bed as the constant beeping sound keeps on going into my ears.

I love you the most. I crave you the most, more than the ones who are now accompanying me in my elderly years. I crave for you even after a dozen years since you've to pass and leave me early to be alone in this world.

I love you so much, phi. I really do.

So, please...

Just let me go and see you...

Let me be with you again...

I'm tired to keep of hearing this foreign beeping sound, I want to hear your voice.

I am tired to keep on hearing other people crying around me, I want to hear your giggles.

So, please...

Let me go...

Let me finally be at peace...

I'm old... and I'm tired... I want to see him again. I want to be with the love of my life.

So, please...

Just let me rest.

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A very very short one-shot! :)

I was inspired by the title of this song, called 'Repeat Until Death' by Novo Amor. It has such an endearing melody and I can't help but keep on repeating this song for hours and hours. Too pretty to not be repeated!!

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