All Over Again

| Chapter Eighteen |

Ruth's mind was stuck in the development of chapter four of her story when the door to her bedroom was forced wide open, slamming against the other side of the wall. She jumped back alarmed, her heart flinging wildly against the front of her chest. Shoving a hand against the rapid thumping, she looked over towards the door and almost breathed a sigh of relief at seeing it was just Terry and Jana, but it halted in the base of her throat.

While one had a wrinkled brow, with her lip folding and gnawing between her teeth as she anxiously glanced between the two girls, the other seemed more stern, with her lips pressed tightly together- eyes narrowed in determination. Anyone could have guessed which expression belonged to which girl, and though neither face seemed to be exactly welcoming, Ruth still greeted them despite the genuine surprise.

"What's going on?" Ruth asked right after, lost on whatever the hell was going on.

Jana's gaze shot over to Terry almost anxiously. Luckily, Terry was brave enough to start.

"We just wanted to ask you some things," Terry started slowly, both of the girls walking in to sit on Ruth's bed.

Ruth spun around in her chair. "Okaaayy? Why so serious?" Ruth asked, then smirked to herself.

Despite the strange sternness in the air, Jana still snorted. Her chuckle was almost relieving. "Nice Joker reference."

"I thought you'd like it," Ruth smiled briefly. "But seriously why are you guys here?"

Another shared look between Jana and Terry.

"Well," Terry began, pausing. She pursed her lips and mentally rephrased whatever she needed to in her head. "I talked to Mirana yesterday."

This peaked Ruth's interest. "Oh?" What did talking to Mirana have to do with her? And why was Terry so hesitant about it?

"And she um- she uh- brought up, Raffo."

"And how he quit smoking," Jana continued, rolling her eyes at Terry's lack of words.

"Because of some tournament you guys had or whatever. Which we'll get to so don't think you're in the clear on that one," Terry's eyes cut at her warningly.

"Okay?"

There was a pause. Jana and Terry jerked their heads back, their eyes bulging wide simultaneously.

"Wait- so you did tell him to stop smoking?"

"Well," Ruth admitted, guiltily. "We played basketball with some betting, and since the game ended with a tie, we both have to go through with the other's bet. And my bet was that if I won . . . he uh- he has to give up smoking for a month or two. Don't look at me like that, you know how I feel about smoking!"

Jana nodded her head in agreement, but Terry was weary. Her eyes shifted away from Ruth, darting over the messy notebook paper beside her opened laptop and then falling onto Ruth's wringing hands. They were making her nervous and she didn't even understand why.

"You're not trying to . . . fix him are you?"

Ruth furrowed her eyebrows. "Fix him?"

"Yeah, fix him. You know. It's that thing girls do when they're into a guy who's doing something they don't like so they try and change him to be who they want him to be."

"Terry!" Ruth gasped, hurt unfurling across her chest. "Of course I'm not trying to change him. Do you really think I'm that shallow?"

"I'm not saying that that's what you're trying to do," Terry quickly backtracked, shaking her head. "And I don't think you're shallow at all. I just worry about what you're doing and- and why you're doing it. Are you trying to change him?"

"You can't change someone, Terry."

"But you can try. Girls do it all the time and they fail a majority of that time.  I just don't think it's healthy if you think you can save Raffo because he looks like the type of guy who needs it."

Ruth crossed her arms. "Now who's judging who?"

Jana was quick to slap a hand over Terry's protesting lips. "She didn't mean it like that. I think what Terry's failing to say, is that Raffo has a lot of history and anyone who looks at the guy, or knows him, understands that. You aren't his doctor, Ruth. Terry just worries that you'll try that saving him complex."

"But that's not what I'm doing," Ruth groaned, frustrated. "Why does me caring about the wellbeing of my friend mean I'm trying to save him?"

"It doesn't."

"Your friend?!"

Jana and Terry glared at each other, both obviously not on the same page. Jana wanted to reassure Ruth because Terry was doing a shitty job at making sure this conversation went smoothly. Terry was too busy asking one too many damn that didn't matter.

"Look, Ruth. We just want to make sure you don't have your hopes too high. Raffo's not someone you can just walk into town and save from a hurt leg or an emotional breakdown. And sure, it may just start out with making him get rid of cigarettes', but things always evolve."

Ruth ignored the damaged pride deflating in her chest. Though she didn't like that they sprung this on her out of left field, she understood where they were coming from. But she was serious. She wasn't trying to change him.

"I'm not trying to change anything about Raffo. I like him just the way he is, even if he has a couple scars," she admitted, her voice soft despite the well-hidden annoyance. "But you know I hate smoking and anything that has to do with it. If he were Diana or any of you guys, you know I would find a way to encourage you guys to stop too. I'm not doing this because it's him. I'd do this for anyone."

Jana's gaze softened. She spoke to Terry this time. "She has a point."

"I just- I don't think it's fair that there's a "saving complex" when it comes to helping someone who happens to be a boy. Even if they're just a friend."

Terry watched Ruth closely. Ruth only closed her mouth and mentally begged the two of them to drop it. It was bad enough she felt a twinge of guilt already, even after Raffo tried his best to squander it. So she really didn't want to talk about it with the girls. The judgement was enough coming from herself, she didn't need Terry to chime in too.

"You're right," Terry eventually gave in, the hardness in her expression melting away. She stretched out a hand and placed it warmly on her knee. "You know I love the shit out of you. I just don't want to see you hurt- or changing anyone. Most of those people aren't worth the save."

Ruth held back a wince.

"I know," she said instead, choosing not to argue with her. "I'm not Superwoman. I'm not saving anyone."

The clouds cleared in both of their expressions. For now, the conversation was over. But Ruth knew better than to let her guard down about it. Especially when she had no intention of stopping her growing friendship with Raffo.

*****