𝘍𝘙𝘜𝘐𝘛𝘠, 𝘴𝘬𝘻 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘴

come and kiss me, and lets forget [CHANGLIX]

now this is kinda long so strap urself in <3

TW: mentions of unhealthy coping mechanisms [drinking / alcoholism] , mentions of sexual activity, swearing, death

IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO ANYTHING MENTIONED ABOVE, DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO READ THIS!

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

love can be toxic, like acid it can burn you and leave you with nasty scares. it can haunt you—damage you—and yet, you always find yourself falling in love time and time again, no matter how many times you tell yourself that you won't allow it to happen ever again. felix was fed up with being burned; the scares an ever present haunting reminder, despite not being visible to the naked eye. he had always believed in soulmates; a one true love—a forever love—but now, he wasn't even sure if love was real, let alone, something to be trusted—love just made you vulnerable in all the worst ways.

in the beginning, things were perfect, and felix honestly believed that he had found the one the universe destined for him to be with...then things capsized. the honeymoon phase began to fade and what was once a happy relationship, turned into a bitter taste in felix's mouth. there were lies—terrible lies—arguments that ended with tears and vibrant handprints imprinted on cheeks. there were bed sheets that smelt of other people, and clothing items that didn't belong to either of them on the floor. their love was no longer sweet and tender, but bitter and callous.

it wasn't long until changbin finally broke it off with felix, saying that the past year the two had spent together, had been nothing but a: "complete waste of time" before storming out of, what felix used to deem, their forever home. felix just stood where he was; cheeks red and eye's puffy, just allowing the delicate pieces of himself to fall to the ground—he couldn't be bothered picking them up. his eyes continued to burn, and yet, there was no tears; felix had run out, and despite knowing that this was bound to happen, the pain was excruciating; he hadn't expected changbin to call their moments together a waste. perhaps it was, and felix was just too high on his own dopamine to notice.

–

as time passed, felix found himself missing what he and changbin had; perhaps it was due to the way they were before toxicity came into play; friends for so many years, lovers for one. it just made him feel so pathetic, to miss someone whom—very clearly—did not miss you. felix followed changbin on all of his social media, so he could see what he was putting up—flaunting his brand new lover. felix didn't care much for who changbin's new lover was; not knowing much about them, only that they referred to him as 'dwaekki' and felix couldn't help but cringe.

instead of finding healthy ways to sooth his never ending pain, he turned to drinking and seeking comfort in the arms of strangers that were strangely similar to a dark-haired-beauty; it never worked though as he always found himself comparing all of it, to how it was with changbin: drinking alone was boring, whilst with changbin it was exhilarating. sex with strangers was lustful, but with changbin it was stimulating. life was dull, though with changbin it was...cordial. perhaps it was this; his ever present longing for changbin, or perhaps it was the alcohol that bubbled within him, but he felt zero regret when he finally plucked up the courage to message him, instead, he felt the familiar warm sense of nostalgia as past memories with them hit him in waves.

changbin on the other hand felt his stomach drop as he saw felix's message appear on his screen. he read it over, and over, again until the illuminated screen faded back to black, though it was still burned into his mind: "i'm half a heart without you".

if changbin was being honest, he would've said that he too missed felix, alas he was stubborn. he wanted to message them back; apologise for everything—allowing their beautiful relationship to convert into one that could been deemed as fragile and toxic. apologise for breaking his promise on never being the one that would be behind their saddened tears. he wanted to apologise for making it seem as if he had moved on, when in reality, he was still hung over felix. nevertheless, he was pertinacious and instead messaged back a hostile: "i've already found the other half of mine—yours is worthless to me".