FOR AS LONG as Asuka could remember, she had always been let down.
Treated like a rug rolled out underneath your shoes like a grand entrance, she was constantly walked all over. Whether or not it was family and blood turning their back on her, or partners finding someone new once they got bored of her, it was such a normal, routinely part of her life that it didn't even phase her anymore. She was way past the 'begging on her knees' stage; if someone wanted to leave or if she learned that she was only useful when they needed her, she wasn't going to cry for them to stay. A life of being abandoned at every turn made Asuka cold. It was a coping mechanism to push people away, and it worked for her.
But she hated just how hard and fast she got attached to people, or fell in love, only for them to walk away at the earliest convenience.
It took a while to come to terms with the fact that Asuka never truly had anyone to turn to. She had friends she adored, and friends she only hung around with because she felt a sense of purpose being in their lives, but friendships were so few and far between that they might as well have not existed at all. All her life, she had been alone, and the aching loneliness had become a part of her. An addictive poison sinking into her bloodstream, but she was immune to the sting of it.
She enjoyed being on her own.
There was no connection she could find with anyone, no matter how hard she looked, or how hard she tried to make it happen. No one seemed to be on her level. No one seemed to ever get close enough to see her mask fall, or for her walls to cave in, so they could gain access to the inner workings of her mind. She was hard to read, hard to understand, hard to get close to with all the masks and personalities she uses to warn off predators. There were so many layers to Asuka that she barely even knew herself.
But Asuka was just so unremarkable and difficult, that no one ever seemed to try to look past her front. Just a regular girl, with regular jobs, and a regular family. She was a carbon copy of the next girl. There was nothing interesting about her that could make people stop and want to learn more.
And that's a feat that never left Asuka's mind. Just how incredibly forgettable she was. Maybe that's why it was so easy to walk away from her, or why people only ever wanted to be around her when she was useful. But then again, it wasn't like she ever tried to make herself interesting.
The first time she had been let down was the day she was born. Being pushed into the world to begin with was already a betrayal her mother had befallen onto her. Now she had to be a person with responsibilities, had to shoulder the burden of being alive, and being a human on a floating rock in space. Forced to sing and dance like a circus monkey in order to survive another day. Rinse and repeat.
