Forever or Never ...

Unwanted in Disguise

They say, I'm good; I say, I'm bad
Dont want to be rude so I kept the words in my head
They see me as the person I fail to truly be
My mind, my acting director, says to just act naturally

Am I acting or am I lying?
I'm no good at dramas so I guess I'm a pretty good liar
One day they'd all know what I'm faking
And they're going to burn me with the same fire I once admired

I just want to be the girl they want in their eyes
Wanting to make them smile with my beautiful lies
Is it my fault that the ugly truth hurts?
The reality, so painful, I can't put it in words

I'd be the crazy girl for my friends
Since they never want their fun to end
They wouldn't want a serious heart
To kill joy with heart-to-heart talks I want to take part

I'd be the niave helpless obedient daughter
Satisfying the expectations of my mother and father
They wouldn't free my wings to go wherever
Failing to give their trust to the kid who sometimes know better

I'd be the quite listener in the classroom
Wouldn't start a noise even in homeroom
Coz' teachers wouldn't want a rebellious mind
Never knowing the defiant girl only wishes to have fun even if her life's in a bind

I want to be the girl they want me to be
But sometimes I get sick of pretending to be the fake me
I fail to believe in whom is nicer, which of me is better
The fake or the genuine me? Sorry to say, I'm such a people-pleaser

I'm not the social butterfly they want me to be
I'm more like an outcast dreamer in the society
A caterpillar failing to grow into a beauty
I'm sorry to have such a social incapability

I'm no social butterfly, I'm not even fun
But even if its so far out of reach, I'd pretend to be one
Pushing through my limits just to get you to like me
An unwanted pest in disguise, that would be me

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[[Poet's Note: anyway this poem is a part of my thoughts. Truthfully, I know it's wrong of me to think like this. I should be more positive thinking. I'm sorry for the negativity vibes I sent in this poem. I just had to well, write this. To those I might have affected with this poem, sorry. Dont get too caught up with the poem's meaning, its full of negativity that I fear is inside of me. I just needed to let it out, let it go. Oh and thanks for reading it! It'll mean a lot to me if you comment on it (negative or positive comments) coz I just shared to you a delicate part of my thoughts or secret of mine. Love y'all! <3 <3]]