𝙲𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚃𝚘 𝙼𝚢 𝙲𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎 || 𝚃.𝙸𝚗𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚒

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 38 - [𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕪 𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖]

Ever since the day I saw Toge in such miserable situation, the amount of guilt inside me keeping building up everyday

It's been 3 days since I first see him, 6 days since we came back from the fight

He haven't open his eyes at all during these days, not even once

For me, I have been practically living in his room the past days

Since my shoulder is still recovering, I asked to be moved into his room so I can take care of him and others could attend their daily school life

Oh yeah, the only good news is that Toge have been moved from ICU into a normal room

The rest would often come into the room after school finished and we would talk together all the time until dinner

Because according to Ieiri-san, Toge can probably hear our conversation and the more that he hears, the quicker he will wake up

The nightmare would always come back to me whenever I tried to sleep therefore causing me to have a massive eye bag

Of course, it became puffy as time passes due to the amount of crying

I would wake up ay night multiple times due to the nightmares and seeing his pale face does not help

Today is the seventh day since he lost consciousness

For me, it was another sleepless night

I pulled a chair and sit beside his bed, reaching out for his cold hand

I held it with both of hands, holding it tightly within mine hoping give him some warmth

"I'm sorry"

I whispered as I always does whenever the nightmare comes in mind

"I could've saved you, the one lying here should've been me, not you"

It's very despairing, seeing the one you love lifelessly lying on the bed, connected to various medical machines

I sighed at his statue before reaching out for some cotton buds, I damped the cotton in drinkable water and gently rubbed it against his dry lips, hydrating them a little

Then I went to the bathroom and damped a towel, squeezing the water out of it and returned to his side to clean his face with the towel

Once everything is done, I put everything back to where they were and took a seat next to Toge's bed again

I rested my elbow on his bed and leaned my head into my hand

I stared into his peaceful sleeping face before deciding to speak up

Even though he can't hear me...

"Toge...senpai? Or maybe I'll just call you Toge if your okay with it"

I paused, thinking what should I tell him first

There is so much I want to fill him up with

"Toge, I miss you so much"

"I know I probably have said this thousands of times, but I'm sorry for what happened, if I didn't distract you, maybe you wouldn't be injured so terribly, it was all my fault. I'm sorry I'm sorry..."

I took in a deep breath, trying to push the petrifying nightmares out of my mind while giving my best to control the tears from falling

"Whenever I remember those nightmares, the urge of crying automatically come to me. You know, I was never this emotional before we start dating"