Random one shots

My Lover And I

There was nothing on earth to convince me to fall in love. Absolutely nothing. I was the idealist, the realistic person in every gathering I found myself. It made no sense that someone would make me bend all my principles, or dreams just to chase one of dust. No sense at all!

Thing is, I wasn't always that way. Being hurt over and over by people and things that I saw beforehand and could have avoided made me accept the fact that human nature was supreme and unchanging.

That is, until I fell in love again. This time it was different.

He was sweet like any other gentleman at the beginning of a relationship. He would buy me things without asking, always worry about me and care to know about my interests. The conversation would go on and on and on for hours till either of us called it a night, or morning.

I remember our first kiss and how I had initiated it, well not really, but I did set things in motion. We'd been texting earlier that day and he'd told me about how irresistible I was and how he was tempted to do things whenever we were together. I remember feeling bold and I simply texted him back that he should give in sometimes. Flirty, I know. I just wanted him to kiss me so I'd move on, you see I tend to lose romantic interest in people once I get sexually involved with them.

Later that night we knew it was gonna happen, we just tried to act like we didn't. Talking, joking and time flying for hours till I sensed the moment arriving. I don't remember the conversation exactly because it was only procedure to stall and pretend before finally leaning in to kiss me. It was weird because I liked it, and I wanted more.

The next day, we kissed again. And the day after that and that. The feeling unlike my previous ones didn't dissolve for some weird reason. Then I knew I was in trouble, my feelings were real.

But that was only phase one. Then came phase two, getting me to date him.

Loving wasn't the issue, I'd loved a lot in the past. Just not enough to be with them. Only once in my life did that work out and it turned out to be a toxic relationship so you see why.

I got more involved with him sexually and romantically, hoping the feelings would die because I didn't want to be in a relationship, I was enjoying my single and free life quite alright without any disturbance not to mention he was a friend and I had this rule about friends not being edible in any way.

God knows I did all the best I could to dissociate myself from the entanglement but it didn't work no matter how hard I tried. He had this way of pulling my heart strings and making me want to ruin him because of the innocent bad boy aura he had. I guess I had a thing for bringing out the worst in people. It's just, when people lay out their vulnerability in front you there's this temptation to take advantage of it that comes to mind. It's something I've dealt with my whole life, I never said I was a good person. But he loved my meanness, he was evil as well but with me he was an angel and I wanted to break him so bad, God that was enough warning for me to avoid anything serious with him but he was caught already and somehow I fell in love with my catch, I must be a terrible fisherman.

We ended up being unofficial for a month, before going official. We began to fight a lot and love harder. Then came a time he stopped touching me if I didn't initiate it and I was mad. Did he run out of love for me already? Or was I used goods? I couldn't understand so I brought it up in a conversation with him and he explained that he didn't know why but he'd work on it. At first he didn't which I complained about again then he later did. Most of our fights began with me getting angry over little stuff and I'd be so mad it would blow into something huge which was wrong and toxic but I couldn't help it. I later explained to him after much investigation that it was due to the withdrawn affection and attention from him, the change in his love made me feel like he only cared when I was mad about something because that was when I got to see him show emotions. After so much back and forth, he realized he also had a fault in it and we both decided to work on ourselves together.

He needed to learn how to show love which was never taught to him, and he didn't have the experience with me being his first girlfriend or this being his first serious relationship -he was a player- while I had to learn to be patient and understanding of his situation and stop blowing up over little things.

Things worked out fine.

Until tonight.

Me cranky as usual on my period and him snapping at me. His friends were over earlier that day, and right before they left he needed to find a CD one of them needed for work which he couldn't remember where he placed and so we all began to ransack the room. The search led to one of his friends pulling a particular drawer that no one uses open which housed my pads, he shut it immediately but I still didn't know how to react.

Later that night after an errand run, I just casually said he allowed his friend open that drawer knowing my pads were there, and he snapped at me that he wasn't aware. I guess he was still mad because it rained earlier and someone splashed dirty road water on him during our errand run but between cramps, mood swings and the awkwardness when the drawer was opened I just got mad. Like why wouldn't he know? It wasn't my first period with him so what was that supposed to mean? Besides I'd been pulling pads out of there in his presence before changing in the bathroom, were we back to whole not paying attention thing?

Usually he'd try to apologize but he ignored me, and in my anger I refused to eat. I tried to watch a film but he got interested in the movie as well so I turned the TV off, tried watching Netflix but he was busy with work not minding what I was doing. God I had never felt to insignificant. Or maybe it was my mood swings again.

I left the bedroom for the kitchen, a normal routine which alerts him of my anger on a normal day but he didn't care. He ate and came into the kitchen to dispose his plates not minding that I was sat on the floor. And he just left, not sparing me a glance, back to work.

Thoughts in my head ranging from him being tired of me, to me being cheap and devalued ran in my head. Like, was that all I meant to him?

I tried to sleep but I knew I couldn't. I began to cry. Then I left for the kitchen to cry. After crying and talking to myself about how fucked up I was, I decided to write my feelings out as an outlet so I'd sleep and leave his place in the morning because I already felt so scorned.

Mid writing he came in to sit with me. Asking what's wrong, I just got madder.
I'm sure he's going to apologise, say some sweet words and then try to make it up to me. It's just how it goes.

Then the cycle continues.