Running from myself

Introduction

I spin myself around in my chair for the 13th time this hour, slowly. Platinum selling records presented to me by my management team adorned the walls, bookcases full of awards. Some small, some big. Dolls of myself. Art work of myself. Surrounds me in the little studio I've built. We've been in lockdown for four weeks now in the U.K and I'm not particularly sure when the end is. I hope it's soon. I'm starting to go stir crazy.

I pick up my phone from the mixer it's resting on and scroll through Instagram. I'm starting to wonder if selling my feet pics is an appropriate way to pass the time. I shake my head, I could really do with just one day this year where I don't have existential dread. I head towards my DM's where I see the familiar name at the top.

Lynngvnn 'hey, I don't know if it's yo-'

I roll my eyes. She's said in a lot of interviews lately how much she likes my music. I'm flattered and I can't argue with her we have a lot of similar interests from what I've seen online and Pvris is really good. I enjoy their music. There's just something about her that terrifies me. I can't cope with that. If I can't put it in a nice easy to manage box I want nothing to do with it.

I put my phone down and reach to the mini fridge under the desk pulling out a wine bottle. Before I know it one bottle has turned into two. I've written maybe 3/4 of a song, and I'm lying on the sofa in my studio, I say studio it's a shed I built for myself at the bottom of the garden, but studio makes me sounds incredible.

I start scrolling through Instagram again. And find myself back in my DM's and reading the array of creepy messages from guys offering me all sorts. Nights with their wives. Nights with them and their wives. Money to tape me and their sisters. Everything.

"Why is this my life." I say out loud to no one. I put my arm to my side to lift myself off my sofa and slip in my drunken mess. In the process I notice I've clicked on Lynn's DM. "Shit." I mumble and try and focus on the screen.

LynnGvnn 'hey I don't know if it's you that runs this account, or if it's one of your team. But I've been a fan of you and your music for a while now and I wondered if you'd like to write a song together?. I've just had a really cool idea and your voice would be amazing on it. Just let me know'

I click on her profile, and start scrolling. When did she get so hot. The last I remember she had long blonde hair and she always looked moody. Now her shoulder length brown hair and smile is looking back at me. Fuck she's beautiful. I can hear my heart in my ears. I get off the sofa and start pacing the room. I'm not going to actually do it am I?

Maybe?

No I can't,  what if she makes it weird. What if I make it weird. What if she hates me in real life. I don't want to disappoint her.

Screw it im going to do it. All of these thoughts rush through my head at the same time and before i know it I've hit send.

Bexky 'hey, yeah it's me. What did you have in mind? Maybe we can chat or zoom? I've got loads of free time all of a sudden. Thank you Mr pandemic. Just let me know! :)'

What's the worst that could happen?