College Daze

2

After the house was straightened up, Irwin made his way to the shower upstairs. By this point, the frat boys had sobered up and stumbled to class, so he had the house to himself. Pez's words kept ringing out to Irwin in the silence 'Missy's coming over tonight.' Loneliness crept into his quiet heart. He'd spent so many years alone. He really only ever had himself until Pez came along in Year 10 of Secondary School.

Irwin was never really sure why Pez stuck around, but at the end of every day, he was grateful that he did. Pez was his best friend. His only friend. But now, Pez was with Missy - he couldn't dedicate the same time to Irwin that he used to. Irwin understood, Pez was in love.

'Fuck, I wish I had someone like that...' He ran his hands desperately through his golden hair as the hot shower water rained over him. 'Maybe I just don't deserve someone like that.' Irwin sighed, thinking back to his younger days...and all the time he'd spent alone. All the empty daydreams, late walks on his own...

A pit swelled in his stomach as he'd recalled all of the couples he'd grown to envy in school. The way they'd held hands and smiled at each other in the hallway. Watching them steal kisses against the lockers as he passed. He'd had girls, sure, but they were never more than bodies for him; a way to appease his sexual appetite. There'd never been anyone to fill the cold space in his bed, and he wondered what it'd be like to feel that warmth. No, we're not just talking body heat...we're talking about being enveloped by warmth of the love from someone who chooses you at the beginning and end of every day.

The shower squealed as the water came to a halt. Stepping out into the fogged room, Irwin wrapped a towel around himself. Afternoon light beamed through the window, accentuating the droplets of mist swirling in the air around him as he dried off. 'Maybe a walk will cheer me up.' he thought, walking into Pez's room to grab a set of clothes. He slipped into his favorite pink hoodie and made his way out of the house, a cigarette resting between his lips.

Irwin strolled leisurely around campus, feeling the sunshine warm his face. 'I remember when I used to have a reason for being here...' He'd dropped out sometime into his second year of general studies. This would have been his third year, but school had just never felt like the right path to him. He'd left his dorm when his tuition ran out, and moved into the frat house with Pez. The brothers of the fraternity accepted him as a sort of hangaround, but with more respect. He'd been able to make decent money selling them weed and buying them alcohol on the weekends. It's also what paid for his spot on the couch. 'Fuck that couch...' He sighed, though he knew it was the best he could do right now.

Partying every weekend proved a good enough distraction. Maybe it was the blaring music that rattled his mind free of its own chains. Maybe the flashing colored lights blinded him from his thoughts. It could have been the tantalizing smell of alcohol on everyone's breathe, or the way his shoes stuck to the dried puddles of spilled drinks as he made his way through the house to hang out with his boys. He wasn't ever quite sure.

What he did know, was that the immunity to his feelings that these festivities provided was fleeting - because rising along with him every Monday morning was the looming sense of loneliness.

Drunken flashes of the past parties flickered through his mind. He tried to grasp at them as he slumped into a bench in the campus courtyard. He stayed there a while, gazing into the distance...holding onto the memories or those parties like they were his last line to humanity...

As expected, the weekend fell upon the campus once more, and everyone gathered at the frat house for another blowout. Music flooded the street while clothes, trash, and kissing students littered the lawn. People filtered in and out of the house at will, smiles plastered on their drunken faces. Inside, Irwin leaned against the kitchen doorway watching Pez and the boys play beer pong. His eyes scanned across the room, soaking in the people dancing, laughing, and drinking to their hearts' content - he too was content for the moment.

Suddenly, a sensation washed over Irwin as his eyes fell upon a familiar figure dancing under the lights. A memory danced before him, and his face flushed. The memory itself was blurred - by alcohol no doubt, but the commotion that raged in Irwin's heart was unmistakable...