𝗦𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗘𝗧 𝗥𝗘𝗗• 𝗦. 𝗞𝗔𝗡𝗚

𝑒 𝑙 𝑒 𝑣 𝑒 𝑛

-i love you, please hate me pt.2

[Y u n  R y u n g]

To say I was scared to walk through those doors was an understatement. Myung doesn't particularly like me and I don't blame her. She's been living in the shelter for nearly half of her life and that was all my own doing. Never being sober enough to take care of her. Not being finically stable to even provide her even a crumb of bread let alone a place to stay. She doesn't deserve that, she knows it. We both do.

"Where are we going now." 67 looks out to the road. Her voice raspy as she spoke. Her eyes tracing the delicate rain drops of the bus window. The vehicle comes to an abrupt stopped. Her body leans forward and her hands go up to the front seat keeping her lifted. "You okay?" I ask, placing a light hand onto her shoulder, bringing her body along with me as we walk along the walkway of the shelter.

The blue gates painted in a floral of sunflowers. The windows covered in posters and purple wrapped cardboard as we slide through the metal bars. "Her name is Myung. She is a year older than Cheol." I say blanky, tucking my hands deeper into my pockets. I catch a glimpse of her. Her eyes flutter open as she gives me a genorous wave.

Her hands fly open as I catch her into my arms. The sweet smell of honey fills my senses as the familiar sent of home gives a sensation I feel I have forgotten. "What are you doing here?" She brushes her hands throughout her hair. Folding her hands behind her. "I wanted to see you,"

I nod towards 67, telling her to take a seat on the bench as we shuffle closer to the edge. I hear Myung sigh, playing with the loose thread of her jeans as she tugs it tighter around her finger. "I thought I told you not to visit." Her word bite harder then intended. I hear the pain in her voice as she grows quite.

The strain in my chest strengthens as her eyes begin to water. "I don't want to see you here, you promised. And that is the only thing I asked of you, yet you can't even promise me that." Her arms folded protectively over her chest. 067 stares at the child safety poster. Her hand over mine in some form of solace.

"I know, I know you are angry and you should be. I know you have a right to becasue i'm such a shit sister. But for this once can't I see you? Is that to much to ask of you?" Her tears fall down to her chapped lips. Her sweater pulled down further along her arms. "Was it to much when I asked you to look after me? Was that to much to ask? You promised every birthday you'd get me out of here. So that we can be a propper family, or whatever this is."

I feel my throat humidfy. My words starting to get stuck between my teeth as I look at her with tears pooling down my waterline. My fingers interlace with 67's. I feel her tighten her hold around me. And I release a deep sigh. "I love you, please hate me."

It was something Myung and I did often. Mainly because those were the words our parents told us before they died. Before my dad had gotten shot at the train station. Before my mum died of the scarlet flu. I didn't understand it. I didn't think I wanted too find the true meaning behind their words because it hurts to much. And even now that I know, it still hurts.

It means that although I love you, I need you to hate me for me to let you go. For you to let go of the past and the pain. To let you grieve of the sorrows I have caused you.

Myung stared at me. A weak smile on her lips as she pulls me into a tightly sealed hug. "I hate you." She sobs in the crook of my neck. I brush my hands through her hair. My hushed voice only reaching her ears. 67 stood around the block. looking at the cars. She had left a few minutes ago . "I know you do, and i'll let you." Her sobs become harsher as she repeates those words. "I hate you, but I don't want to let you go."