The Reaper | F. Odair

Six

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Aaron
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    "Who did you sleep with?" Sage asks, an odd smile on her face.

I groan, and pull the blue turtleneck higher up my neck, "I don't wanna talk about it..." I mumble, looking at her and back out the window. Her smile immediately fell at my words. No, Sage. It wasn't who you hoped for.

"Oh... um, Nero said you didn't come in last night, instead he said he saw you sneak in at four."

"I wonder why he was awake." I say with a hint of sarcasm. We both know he takes pride in what he makes, and he holds it higher than his own health.

"He's ecstatic, honestly." She says, coming across from me and sitting on the other side, adjusting the white skirt she has on as she sits. "He's been up all night -- still hasn't taken a break, actually."

I was being sarcastic, you know. I sigh, "Agnes." I whisper, unconsciously reaching for one of the bites on the back of my neck and gently rubbing it. "That's who..."

"A-Agnes?" She gasps. I slowly nod. "Sh -- but, Aaron. She's--"

"She can do whatever the hell she wants, Sage..." I mumble, cutting her off. "She's a well paying client so I had to do it." There's people down on the streets. Must be nice to be so free.

"Are you alright?" she asks quietly.

"Peachy."

"Besides, peachy. How are you?"

"Nervous." I mumble again, she sighs. Why wouldn't I be nervous? I'm stuck in front of hundreds of thousands of people tonight in some pretty dress before I get shot or stabbed tomorrow. Nervous and depressed, like usual. "I wonder if Nero can hide the evidence." I jest weakly. I can see her frowning out of the corner of my eye.

"W-well, don't be nervous, okay? You'll get out there and you'll--"

"I'll be a laughing stock. I'll be all smothered in love just to be sent to my death. You don't know what it's like, Sage. Being put on a display and forced to be on it." I seethe, the events from last night bursting through my head.
"You don't know what it's like to be forced into that arena. You've got your... your perfect little Capitol life, everything handed to you on a platter. I-I'll go out there and you'll forget about me the second I'm... dead..." I continue, tears forming in my eyes. Don't cry you idiot.

"Aaron..."

"I-I have to kill Finnick -- I can't -- you don't know what it's like--" I splutter my words. It feels like all my walls are breaking down all over again. No, they've already been broken. I've just not bothered fixing them.
"I-I could've... spent time with them a-and not... not that thing of a woman -- Sage you don't get it. You don't know what it's like to be sent to your death and used for others entertainment! I'm a fucking object to them -- to you!"

She's silent as my tears start to fall. My hands are shaking no matter how much I try to keep them still. I can't do it. I don't know who to listen to, who to trust... My head falls into my knees as I curl up into some lump of a ball. I just want to disappear. I want to bleach my skin and mind and forget everything so I can at least die without some sort of regret... or something.

"Aaron Smith. You're better than this." Sage scolds quietly, I don't move. "I don't know what it's like. You're correct, I don't know and never will know what it's like to have my name pulled and to be forced into an arena to fight for my 'district's honor,' stuff. But, I do know what it's like to send children to their deaths every year." she explains, "and now? Now I know what it's like to lose my favorite victor."