Tales of the North Pole

Why the North Pole?

Have you ever wondered why Santa Claus lives at the north pole. I mean he could have chosen anywhere in the world. Why the north pole?

Ok maybe he couldn't go anywhere in the world. It would draw too much attention, but there are a few different places he could have gone. Like the south pole, I mean it is an island all by itself. And no one ever goes there because it is cold!!! Or he could have set up shop in the Sahara desert, its big enough that he could have built anything in there and never been found.

So how did he decide?

Well first off you have to understand that this was a long time ago. So long that there weren't any cars. I know, wow, right. Santa (who at this time had not decided what his last name was going to be. He was thinking about Awesomeness, but he thought that might not sound professional) had decided that the only thing big enough to carry all the toys would be a sleigh. So he had asked a friend of his to make him a magic sleigh, this friend may have been a fairy, or a wizard, or a dwarf, I've heard all three and Santa won't tell, but in any case it doesn't matter because he needed something to pull his sleigh.

Now Santa had been told by a friend that the camels that lived in the Sahara were great for pulling stuff. Apparently they were very strong. Santa thought that this sounded great because with so many toys his sleigh was going to be heavy.

He had misheard his friend.

Not that camels aren't strong, they are, very. But what his friend had said was that they were strong willed. And they are very, very strong willed. Also Santa found something else out about camels when he went to check out the Sahara. Camels spit.

So the Sahara was o u t out.

This left the north and south pole now Santa was leaning towards the South pole because the elves lived there and he was going to need a lot of elves. The only kink in this plan came from the fact that there were no animals or people big enough to pull his sleigh. This problem was solved when he found reindeer at the north pole. Since he was only going to need eight reindeer he figured he could move the ones he wanted down to the South Pole way easier than moving all of the elves up to the north pole.

So that was the plan. Until one day when the penguins stepped in.

The elves and penguins had had a pretty good relationship for the last thousand years or so. They had had their ups and downs, but overall they got along pretty well Until one day when Santa brought up the thing that had started every war the two people had been in. Height.

The penguins and the elves were both about four feet tall it switched back and forth as to which one had the tallest person. That was ok. They could deal with that.

The penguins would have one person that was taller than all the elves and they'd brag about It for a few years until one of little elflings grow up to taller then all the penguins. Then was the elves turn.

So yeah there was competition, but they could handle that. What they couldn't handle was when one of the leaders was taller than the other. It got to where when the elfin president had been elected he would go to the penguin emperor, who was also elected but the penguins liked to have an emperor so thats what they called him, anyway the president would ask him how tall he had told his people he was, then he'd say "oh yeah that's the same as me".

Usually that was enough so that the two people wouldn't fight, but sometimes there would be that one smart person who would look at the two leaders and say "ummmmm no 3 foot 4 and 4 foot 3 are not the same thing." Thats when they invented the box because the shorter one needed something to stand on.

Now I know you know how great Santa is. I mean he's super nice. He brings toys to all the good little kids, and he always clears his plate and asks for seconds even when the food is disgusting. But what you probably don't know is he also tends to put his foot in his mouth and sometimes he finds room for both of them.

Santa went down to the South Pole to talk to the elves about some land to build his factory, when he did he realized pretty quickly that it was election time. Now this didn't affect his business overly so he pretty much ignored it. Until one of the elves, a young man who had helped Santa a lot with getting to know the elves, decided to run for president and asked Santa to come to his first debate. Now Santa's friend was very smart and almost definitely the best man for the job. He was also 3 foot 1 inch tall. Now in the election you really couldn't tell because the way his team sat it up. No no the trouble came later when he had been elected and he went to the penguin emperor and told his people that he was in fact 4 foot 5 inches tall. Now see when Santa heard this he didn't know the history behind this lie at all, so he busted out laughing and told everyone around him that no actually his friend the president was very short. Some of the people who heard him went and told other people they knew and soon the whole country was talking about the height of their president.

Now see you would think this wouldn't be a problem. Because I mean he already had the job so wait three years then get a taller guy, but elves are incredibly vain. They can't handle being the dumber person, or the less attractive one, or in this case the shorter one. What made this worse was the fact that the penguins were just as vain as they were.

So when the penguins found out what the elves had (as you know they did) they took great pleasure in rubbing it in the elves faces. This made the elves mad, as it was meant to. Now I will say one thing about the elves they were always very creative. It's one reason Santa's workshop is still in business. Anyway, when the elves went to get even with penguins they chose the most creative way they could think of. They took pictures of the emperor in such a way that he looked short then they put in the newspapers because you know that everything in a newspaper has to be true.

Well the penguins did not appreciate this and also they weren't as creative as the elves so instead of trying to think of something they just started a war.

Now Santa don't do wars. I think everybody knows that. I mean when World War I broke out he went to every country and gave toys to all the children no matter what side their parents were on. In World War II he went to every country and gave toys to all the children again, and he does this in every war because wars are not started by children but by adults not understanding each other.

So when the Antarctic war broke out he decided to stay out of it until he realized he kinda started it. Then he thought well "I need to step in and stop this somehow." Now I don't know if you know this but stopping wars is hard. I mean a war will start over something as simple as whos taller and end up being about land and crap like that.

Santa tried hard to fix the issues these two hard headed groups of people had with each other but in the end he wasn't able to. So he proposed a plan. He told the president of the elves that he would move them all to the north pole and they could work for him.

Now the president never wanted a war as I told you before. The only reason it had gone as far as it had was because of other people in the government forcing it. So when Santa proposed this plan the president thought long and hard about it then decided that he would take it. So the elves were moved to the North Pole and built Santa's workshop and the rest, as they say, is history.