Coming Home-(Complete)

Myra

Airports. What can you say? They are busy, hectic, tiring, the list could go on. For the past three years, the same trip. Traveling back to a place that brought no pleasure. Well, no pleasure except for my daughter, who was passed out in an inhumanly position that only a five-year-old could manage. At least she could sleep. I close my eyes, picturing a martini party on some far-off island.

Four hours later, we landed in Indiana. The arrival terminal was busy. Two flight's baggage claim carrousels were ahead of ours. Makayla held my hand as she took in the sights with awe. This is the third trip she's taken. Was this the first time she truly understood the complexity of her contemporary world? It was now I realize her memories will start becoming impactful. Hopefully, these trips are worth it for her.

Another forty-five minutes, a bathroom break onset by boredom, and one episode of Lazy Town, baggage claim spits our items out last. At least this year we did not need the stroller. We grabbed a bite to eat at the airport. Makayla nibbled happily on her chicken nuggets. If you want to call them chicken anyways. I settle for yogurt and a few of my daughter's apple slices. Once we finished up, we were able to get our rental SUV then head on out.

It was a sunny day in June. Schools had just let out for summer break, which meant the release of teenagers to roam the streets. Familiar roads brought back memories from school. Memories not of the school itself. No. Rather the friendships and the times walking around town. Thinking we were adults at the prime of youth.

An hour's drive went by until we reach an average-sized house in a quiet neighborhood. I park the car then just stare at the house. Green grass. A short, brown-stained, pine fence lines the property. The average house. The average home of two people who were happy and stable. Why do I keep doing this? I thought to myself. My paid-time-off could be used in much better ways. No, don't be selfish.

"Mommy?" Makayla broke my train of thought. She set her bear on the seat next to her. "Why can't you stay with me and Daddy?"

I sit up, perplexed. Not expecting that question. "Well, I can't." I tried very hard to choose my words. "It's like, remember that time when you and Kaylie were mad at each other and didn't want to hang out? It's kind of like that." Probably not the best answer. Too late now.

She stared hard, trying to take it in. For five years old, she was very stubborn and wanted a reason for everything. Simple answers or "no" were never correct answers for her. Too much like her father. "Mommy, do you still love Daddy?"

A tear fell from my eye. Of all the times she had to have a million questions, why did it have to be now? I took a deep breath. "At one point, honey". Before anything else could be asked, I got out of the car then started to get her unbuckled. Too late. She looked taken aback by my last response.

"You don't love Daddy?" Confusion with hurt filled her response, " Love is forever, like princesses. They live together happily ever after." Someone needs to stop watching fairytales. My mind raced. Of course, there were feelings. Love. Hate. Doubt. All different things which cannot be explained, especially to a kid. I pulled her out of the car.

"It doesn't always work like that. I'm not your dad's princess in this story." Still not the right thing to say. You always tell yourself how when that day comes where your child asks a difficult question you will be ready. In reality, you never are. I grabbed her luggage from the trunk then walked her across the street.

As we walked up the driveway, a beautiful, glowing, blonde-haired woman stepped outside. Hallie. Caleb's wife. I couldn't but feel inferior to her. With a voice like honey, she laughed "I was beginning to wonder if you were coming." She placed a hand on her belly.

"Hi Hallie," I tried best to not make eye contact, "you look great-glowing even". Lucky baby. Like clockwork, Caleb opened the door. His brown hair was recently shaved. He finally started to grow into his body. In school, he was always the tall, lanky, clumsy guy. Super shy until he warmed up to you. After that, would be known as one of the nicest, most loyal people one could ask for in a friend.

"Daddy!" Makayla shouted as she let go of my hand then ran to her father's arms.

"My, my, look at you, Pumpkin," he hugged her, "look at how big you've gotten!"

"I'm four and a half now!" Makayla held up four fingers. While holding her, Caleb walked up behind Hallie, placing his hand on her shoulder. I really need to get back to this meeting. He looked right through me. "Thank you again for bringing her by." With that, the two of them went inside. Hallie's face dropped. She seemed rather unappreciative of her husband's quick escape.

"So, Hallie," I tried to break the silence, "when are you due?" It came out a little bitter but not as horrible as it felt to say.

"Oh, yeah" she seemed lost in her thoughts. "We are due late October. Just found out yesterday that it's a boy." The wind picked up.

I forced a smile. "Congratulations!" A knot in my stomach grew. I tried my best to choke back tears. "I really should be going now. You have my number and a list of Makayla's food preferences." We both took a step away from each other.

She grabbed Makayla's bag, smiled at me then waved as she went inside. I got back into the car. Drove around the corner before parking again. With a single breath, tears flooded my eyes.