One Of Us

Swansong

Anna could put it off no more, she reluctantly went back to work to finish the album. It was now the end of May and the Los Angeles team had flown over as promised so she really had no choice but her constant battle with her distraction, pregnancy hormones and weirdos hanging about the studio took it's toll on her. It seemed that nothing could remain private and her decision to take a break after this album took on an increasing rightness in her mind.
She wanted nothing more than to be at home with the children and Bjorn, she didn't want to waste a moment, too much time had already passed them by.
To their credit she and Bjorn had managed to combine their work schedules in a way that satisfied them both and while it hadn't been easy it had certainly not been the trial that they had imagined it to be, it had caused quite a deep discussion as to why they couldn't do it before, in fact neither of them could come up with a useful answer besides pressure and their loss of communication at that time. It gave them much bolstered hope for the future that their lives intertwined with such little effort, they both took it as another sign that this time they were meant to be, this time they'd make it work. Bjorn had now seen many times at first hand the level of interference from her weirdos as she called them and it had made him that much more determined to do something about it, he didn't think that he would ever fully control the anger and the guilt he felt over this issue, so many of the other issues that had plagued them in the past had been solved by their utter love for each other and their determination to be better, do better and never to lose sight of the other again but this one, this one was a complicated problem and he was not prepared to accept Anna's belief that nothing would change. Their acceptance that they couldn't do without the other though hard fought had given them a freedom that they'd never had before and although they still fought neither of them would have had it any other way. It was different now, there was a security for both of them that meant they could communicate everything without fear of reprisal or losing the other and in any case he wouldn't even really call it fighting, it was more bickering or differences of opinion and they were always easily solved. Now they never went to bed angry and they always made up in their best way and he loved it all except for the weirdos. He hid the majority of his anger from Anna, they were the only cloud on his horizon and while he had promised her he would deal with each and every one of them for an eternity he wanted there to never be shadows in her eyes and every time she had to deal with it he was forced to watch them come.
His thoughts were interrupted this day when the phone rang in his office where he'd actually gone to sort out some niggling issues with Chess and he was greeted with nothing less than an earful of Agnetha fire, it made him hesitate for a moment for it had been many years since he'd heard her so angry. It was certainly the first time since they'd been back together, he was glad he'd paused though because when he really took the time to listen he could detect under her rage the very real sound of her tears "Bella what's wrong?" he asked softly "I can't sing Bjorn!!! It won't come. I sound terrible and they don't understand, they keep telling me I sound wonderful but I don't. I sound mediocre, tired, old and it isn't good enough! I don't want to do this, I don't!" her words ended on a sob "I need you" she choked out "help me"
Bjorn made it down the three flights of stairs in record time, he'd done his level best to stay away, he wouldn't like him hanging over his shoulder if he was in the producers or sound engineers position given that this was Anna's baby not his. She'd shied away from their ABBA history even in their personal life so he'd stayed out of it for both of their sakes much as he'd craved to hear her but now she'd asked him for help and he would not, could not deny her despite his reservations. He barged into the studio full of worry for her to be faced with a group of perplexed producers looking puzzled and exhausted but not in the least surprised to see him and Peter Cetera whom he had never met stuck out a hand which Bjorn shook immediately. Peter shrugged at him "she sounds wonderful to me Bjorn, she sounds better than anyone else I've ever worked with but she says it isn't enough"he said without preamble and he looked upset so Bjorn set about reassuring them all "it isn't you or anything your team have done or not done. She's a perfectionist, it isn't ever good enough for her, in that regard at least we are the same and it worked against us in later years" he sighed and debated how much to say and decided to be direct "are you a person she trusts?" he asked "I hope so" Peter said and frowned "she's pregnant and has stalkers. She has a lot on her mind and it's making this all worse" Bjorn explained before he could change his mind "it isn't common knowledge that she's pregnant but we aren't hiding it from anyone. It's mine in case you were wondering" he said with something of a snap that surprised even him "I wasn't" Peter held his hands up in defence "it explains a lot and I'm delighted for both of you" He met Bjorn's gaze "she must have missed you, the world saw it. I haven't known her for very long, a couple of years now doing this but she's different, better, peaceful now. Is it you?" Bjorn's defences went down and he sighed "I bloody hope so, I missed her too" he added for good measure "she called me, I wouldn't barge in for no reason" he clarified making up for his earlier defensiveness "where is she now?" Peter smiled slightly "right behind you" Bjorn swung round and took in her tearstained face "that didn't take you long " she mumbled "You call me, yell at me then cry at me Anna. I'm always going to move the world to get to you when you tell me that you need me" he opened his arms not caring that they had a fascinated audience and much to his bemusement there was none of her reticence like in the ABBA days, they had rarely shown their affection for one another in front of others then except for a select few, she threw herself into his arms and bump not withstanding she found her safe place and wound herself around him. His arms closed around her and he could feel the emotions quaking through her body, his eyes met Peter's over Anna's shoulder and he murmured in her ear loud enough for everyone in the room to hear "Peter says you trust him, he thinks you do. Is it so Anna?" He felt rather than saw her nod, without really being aware of it Bjorn had started rocking gently soothing her "in that case Anna listen to me. You know I need to hear you sing, I'll always need to hear your voice. It soothes my soul, it eases my mind. It called me though the darkest times of my life and it gave me a glimmer of light when I thought there was no hope for me." she interrupted him "I sound awful, I can't concentrate. I'm washed up and awful" Bjorn continued as if she hadn't spoken "Your voice is the soundtrack to our lives Annabella, I loved you before I even set eyes on you and when I finally met you I knew my eternity was a done deal and that has never changed nor will it." Bjorn tightened his hold on her and started planting gentle kisses on the bits of her he could reach "if you can't sing for them sing for me, sing for our beginning, sing for our now, sing for our end because that is what you are. My everything, my beginning and my end. Sing for me Anna" he unwound her from him and put her back on the floor but he didn't let her get far away grasping her face gently with both hands forcing her to see him "I love you, sing for me" he met her lips and kissed her unashamedly "I adore you, sing for me" he kissed her again "I'm fat and old and I've got heartburn" she mumbled against his lips "you're pregnant and more beautiful to me than ever before, sing for me Anna" he repeated determinedly "if this is your swansong, if truly this is what you want then let's go out on a high. If this is the last time the world will hear you Anna then sing for me" he kissed her again and felt her calming and settling "will you stay?" she whispered "if you want me to" he conceded "if it would help you" "I need you to stay, if you want me to sing for you, you have to stay. Help me" and she tore at him anew as he realised this was her first face to face declaration for him to someone outside of her family circle or a media circus "I will Bella, I promise I will" he reassured her. He tore his eyes from hers with great effort and addressed the room at large "I won't interfere once, not at all. I promise, I'll just sit where she can see me" he hesitated because he knew how he would feel in their position "is it ok?" he asked "Christ yes!" was Peter's response "anything that makes her happy and let's her sing at her best is fine with us" the gentle agreement that rippled round the room gave him an unexpected stab of emotion "thank you" came from Anna "you must think I'm as crazy as the papers say" she blushed a little as she wiped her tears away "I just ..." Peter came over and Anna stepped away to hug him "I get it Anna, you should have said this a week ago, more even. We don't judge you" Bjorn was doing battle with an unreasonable surge of jealousy having to watch someone else with their hands on Anna but he recognised this needed to happen and he willed himself to settle, inordinately pleased though when Anna detached herself and returned to him "I'm sorry to be a nuisance" she mumbled and she stroked his beard as she made her way past him to her seat "never" he grumbled softly mentally consigning his desk full of work to another day, nothing was more important right now than her besides he wanted to hear her sing desperately
"I don't want anyone else to know I was ever here" he cautioned as he settled in the control room in a spot where she could see him "it's important to her that my input is private, so much damage was done the first time around to our personal life that neither of us want it again. I want to work with her but not publicly, no pressure" the others were in full agreement and the session restarted.
Time went by and Bjorn could understand what she meant, she sounded amazing but there was no heart to her words, no emotion and he could see that she was trying to put it there, it wasn't through lack of effort and he knew what he had to do. He hesitated nevertheless, he'd promised her he'd be different this time but she needed their dynamic, she'd asked him so he got up and asked to be patched through "Anna I love you!" he snapped "but what the hell is this??" he demanded "where is my girl? My Anna? Where is her voice?" his voice raised gradually as it had so many times in the past "give me everything you have Anna!! Show me you love me, show me what you can really do!! Fucking let it out Anna!" he yelled "Let go! I need to hear you one last time. I asked you to sing for me. Now I'm telling you. Sing for me!!"
There was a silence that was all encompassing, horror from the people that didn't know them and expectant from Bjorn and he was rewarded by her turning in her chair, wiping away her tears "thank you" she whispered and blew him a kiss and finally she allowed her swansong freedom.