I had Sarah's body in the back of my car. The heat was starting to make it stink, so I tried spraying her down with Febreze. Only a few more miles to the beach. I could bury her there, when no one was around. It had only been a day since I had gotten the body, so I had at least a few more days before she started looking any different. Right then, she only looked she was a little sick. Well, besides the body bag.
Cleaning off the wound had taken a long time. I kept sobbing, which elongated the process. I couldn't look at Sarah as I had to; she was still my girlfriend, my best friend, my confidant. I couldn't look at her as a corpse I had to clean. Not quite yet. I knew I had to clean her up, though, so I tried washing the bits of blood and brain matter off of her skin from where she had been shot. I did my best. I would hope that she would do the same for me, if she needed to. If she had ever had the chance.
Sarah and I had always laughed about how liberal we both were; how, if we had ever needed to, neither of us would have a gun on hand to save ourselves. She always told me that the best I could do is offer them an art history lesson, and that the best she could do is offer them a brief history of Judaism. We had the chance to do neither.
A cuddle session to a desk chair to a moan to a deep hunger in the literal sense to a walk down the road to a restaurant to a quick peck to a rushed exit to a scared clutch of a hand "it's fine honey" to a quick bible verse to a quick shot to the head to another rushed exit to tears streaming down cheeks to news coverage to a hushed rebellion to a court case that fell through to fuck I'm losing it again.
The beach, that's a good place. An alive place. A place to forget things and to hold on to your sanity and pretend you can't remember that bastard's eyes. That's why I'm bringing her there, away from the city. Away from the protests. As much as everyone there would like to say that she's theirs, she's not. She wasn't mine, either. If anything, she belongs to the universe. To tides to the moon to soft pecks on the cheek to sex on the beach. Fuck. I lost it again.
I turn onto the private road leading to the beach. I turned onto the private road leading to the beach. Everything is happening at once. I am at her shooting I am taking her out of the car I am seeing her naked for the first time I am walking with her in my arms I am taking her in my arms after a scary movie I am walking slowly I am smiling at her I am crying I am crying I tell her I love you I tell her I love you I run my hands through her hair I run my hands through the sand I go to a pride parade I start digging I hear sirens in my head I look at her dead eyes and see some sort of spark I kiss her for the first time I keep digging because that's what good girls do I hear sirens in my head I hear sirens in my head I hold her hand I slowly put her in the hole I smile at her and think that this is all real I hear a holstered gun I tell her she's my soulmate I tell her she's my soulmate I hear her playing the violin I hear a gunshot I am lying down with her I am lying down with her.
