Motherhood

The Fire

I remember it like it was yesterday,
the fire alarm struck my ears so loud I could barely hear my own panicking thoughts.

My apartment was completely on fire.

3:00PM—
Brayden was covered in pasta sauce.
I had just finished feeding him spaghetti.
I ran to the bathroom quickly to start up the shower for him, as we didn't have a bathtub at the time, it was a very petite apartment building.

I carried my one month old daughter into our bedroom, laid her down & continued on.

I showered my son,
put him in his room,
put fresh clothing on him & turned off the lights.

I went into my room, started getting undressed since I wanted to have a shower before my fiancé came home, turned on the baby monitor,
just so I could hear him. that's when it happened.

I opened my door to see nothing but fire, filling my entire living room, I panicked.

I couldn't think of what to do or say,
I knew I was seeing death in-front of my eyes.

I went to grab my phone & I froze,
I tried calling my mom once to ask her how I could put out such a fire, but she didn't answer
& I knew I was losing time and oxygen.

"Why didn't you call the fire department?"
I don't know. It didn't come to my head how incredibly serious and separated this fire was.

In that moment,
I wasn't worried about grabbing clothing for myself.
I knew my daughter was sleeping in my bedroom & my son was just about to go down for a nap in his.
I needed to get them out before it was too late.
Of course—it had to be on-top of a smoothie bar.
Of course— I had to be the only person in the entire building at the time too.

I grabbed my daughter with my one arm,
my son with the other, just grasping onto them.
I knocked on my neighbour beside me door, nobody answered, I screamed ;;
" IF YOU'RE INSIDE PLEASE GET OUT MY APARTMENT IS ON FIRE"
I was wasting time, I knew I was.

A hero 🦸‍♀️ they call me, I call it mom strength.

I had to run down 40+ stairs,
since there wasn't an elevator & luckily I got out in time before my oxygen was completely gone..

I heard my son and daughter screaming in my ears, begging for the alarm to stop ringing.

                           >I REMEMBER <
I remember screaming on the streets,
just holding my children; "SOMEONE CALL 911"

I remember the feeling of that moment.
knowing I had nothing left.

I remember watching my house burn down
in-front of my eyes, homeless with 2 kids.

I remember the fire trucks coming,

I remember everyone gathering around,
taking photos, calling their friends...

I remember people walking up to me asking
me if i needed anything at all.. that they'd help.

But in that moment,
it was an unexplainable pain,
it was countless sleepless nights & nightmares after that day, it's like it never went away.
I can't explain the PTSD I have gained from that.

I'm scared to cook at times.
I'm scared of fire drills.
I'm scared of transport trucks backing up,
just because of the beep noise they make.
I'm scared of losing everything & everyone.

But you can't say, you don't blame me.

Life Or Death Situations Can Change You.

"How did the fire start?" you're asking

Improper wiring in the bathroom.
The shower got the bathroom so hot and musky wet, an exhaust fan that takes heat in & out, caught on fire,
our landlord didn't wire it properly &
by the time the smoke alarm went off,
the fire was in my living room.

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