yoshimura son

chapter 1 lost

"GET HIMM"
I could hear behind us while I run
I get into a sewers trying to hide my child.

While I was running I find a little part in the sewers where I know ken will not be found if he hides well.

I go over there and put down the 4 year old child.
"D-daddy where are you going" ken whimpers,
I hate seeing ken so sad but there's no other way, he's my angel the only thing left in my life that I love I can't not lose another person I love.

"ken listen to me carefully I want you to stay here and wait for me ok" I say to ken
In the background I can hear the footsteps of the ccg members get faster I can here them calling backup and talking to an investigator called mado.

"Yo-u will come back, right dadd-y" ken tells me I don't know if I can get out of this alive but I have ken to look after so I need to survive.

"Yes ken I'm just going to talk to the bad guys then I'll be back to get you I promise" kaneki nods his head unable to speak because of all the tears
I get one last look at ken before I go because I don't know if I will survive
Kens big grey eyes innocent filled with tears
His pure white hair so full and fluffy
His tiny body
I'm going to miss him so much
I just hope I'm strong to come back to ken

"I love you ken ill be back I promise"

I start to turn away hearing the footsteps get louder
Before I am able to get away from ken I feel a little hand grab my legs I turn around and ken is looking at me
"I love you daddy"
God why he so cute
I smile at kaneki and he let's go and let's me run

I run as far from ken as I could to lure the ccg away and come front with investigator

*few hours later*

I'm injured but I'm alive that's all that matters
I walk through the sewers back to ken
God I hope he's not scared or even worse
No don't think like that he's alive I lured the ccg away
I finally see the corner where I left ken
And I start to run over there full of excitement that I finally get to be reunited with ken

I turn the corner and I am faced with nothing

No presents are there
No little boy looking up at me with his innocent eyes and calling daddy and giving me an hug

Nothing

"Ken?" I whisper quietly not believing that ken isn't there I start to look all around
Thinking maybe he hid somewhere else
Maybe he went looking for me
Maybe he's just wanting to play hide and seek like we always do

But no
Ken no where
His scent no where
Like he was never there
Like he never existed

I start to panic tears coming out of my eyes
I'm not worried about wiping them
I don't care if I look crazy
I don't care if ccg can hear me and check what's happening go find me covered in human blood
I don't care
All I care about is ken my ken and where he is

After while I see something shine on the floor close were I left ken
A ring
Kens mothers ring
The ring she gave him
The ring that he keeps to remember his mum
The ring he never takes off

My knees stop working after I noticed the ring
More tears if even possible start coming out of my eyes not stopping
I pick up the ring and hold it in my shaky hands looking at it to be sure
That's kanekis ring

I bring the ring upto my chest right next to my heart
And scream
I scream because I know that
Ken is gone
I don't know if alive or not
I don't know if he's safe
I don't know anything
And that is what scares me

He's young
he's vulnerable
If v find him they will use him because he is one of a kind
So rare
He's a one eyed ghoul

Ken wasn't found
Not after 1 Yr
Not after 2 yrs
Never showed up ever

I made a cafe called antaiku to help ghouls in need
That's what I told the ghouls who work there why I made it for
But the real reason was a place for ken to come back to
The full place is full of windows I hope
He one day walk past and sees me and finally returns

But after years ken never returns

Did I give up
No never
I know he's alive
I can feel it
But I've given up trying to find him
If he wants to find me he will
He's a smart kid after all

Ken always at the back of my mind
Everything reminds me of him

I just hope I can uptold for my sins
And that ken  will return