He goes to visit the graves on a sunny day.
He doesn't know why, particularly; it isn't an anniversary or any day of significance, he just feels like going to visit his friends.
He stands for an immeasurable amount of time in front of that large slab of stone, staring at the kanji for Obito's name but not really registering its meaning, just staring...thinking...
He doesn't know why he does this to himself. Diving headfirst - willingly - into a pit of despair and depression, purposely looking to keep in touch with his emotional trauma rather than let it go. Maybe he does it to remind himself that he does still feel things, even if they're bad. Or maybe it's just because he's a glutton for punishment. He can't say.
Flashes of Rin echo through his mind, so close yet so far away. Her face gets fuzzier, a bit more hazy, more blurred, each time. And within the past few years especially, it's become harder and harder to differentiate her face from Sakura's.
"Kakashi?"
Muscles go rigid at the sudden calling of his name, yet still, he turns.
Yugao.
"Oh. It's you." He deadpans, and Yugao laughs, sending a ripple down her purple waterfall tresses.
"Gee, way to greet an old friend. It's been a while. How you holding up?"
He shrugs, hands in his pockets. "About as well as I can be, I guess. It's a lot easier with two legs, you know."
She comes to stand beside him. "Oh, of course. So how long you been standing here like this?"
Another shrug. "Oh, I don't know. Long enough for the clouds to roll in, I guess."
"It's been cloudy for nearly two hours."
"Right."
They stand side by side staring at the grave, at Obito's name and the lovely words carved beneath it, both knowing what it says but neither saying it aloud.
"You know, I've never found solace at a gravesite. What do you say we get a couple of drinks instead?"
An innocent proposition, Kakashi knows that his former ANBU squad mate is only trying to help with his sadness, and everyone knows it's better never to drink alone.
"Sure. Why not?"
Besides. What's the worst that could happen?
~*~
Their bar binges become increasingly frequent over the coming months, and before long, it turns into a regular thing. Almost a ritual.
They meet at the gravesite, silently share in each other's loss, and go for drinks after. This seems to happen almost every other week now, or every other few weeks. Once a month at the very least. It probably just felt like a lot to someone like Kakashi.
He had seen less of Sakura than he would have liked, but she was always doing something these days; if it wasn't a mission, it was studying for an upcoming exam. If it wasn't an exam, it was helping out at the hospital. And if it wasn't that, well...there was always something.
Busy busy busy.
Speaking of which, it's Sakura's birthday today. He had hoped to see her today, but if not, her present would be waiting safely with him.
He reaches for his vest pocket to feel for the gift that he already knows is there - it's a necklace, a tiny thing on a golden chain with a hand painted cherry blossom pendant that he had seen in a shop while passing by, and of course he had thought of her - and even though he doesn't have to, he unbuttons and re-buttons the pocket to make sure it's secure. Sakura didn't own any jewelry that he knew of, and if she did, she never wore it. This was small enough that it wouldn't get snagged on anything, but long enough to be tucked away in her vest for missions. He felt it was perfect at the time, and even now, he's slightly giddy at the thought of giving it to her. Of watching her face as she opened it up, imagining all the different possible reactions she would have to it. If only time would go faster.
