Maddie Can Never Know

TW: implied/referenced child abuse, mentioned death of a sibling, mentioned natural disaster.

"They weren't bad people." Chim said looking over at him nervously.

Just bad parents. His mind finished for him. It was a phrase he knew by heart. His sister had coined it years ago, and every time she had to talk about them she used it, sometimes a small bitter smile on her face, laughing at her own ingenuity.

Buck hated it. God, did he hate it. It both was and wasn't true. That is, as far as Maddie's concerned it was the hard and awful truth, where Buck was concerned, well it was a bit more complicated .

"So I'm guessing they weren't abusive?" Chim continues, his voice dragging Buck back from his thoughts.

"No, No, they weren't, they were just." He trailed off, what would even be a word to give Chim that would convey his parents being awful, but not too awful. "Absent. You know?"He finally settles on.

And, God, how was he supposed to get through this conversation without lying, but without telling the truth either.

"They were there in the house." He feels himself floundering around a bit, "cooking meals and washing clothes, ya know? Usual stuff."

Jesus, that didn't even sound convincing to his own ears, washing clothes? Seriously? But Chim seemed to buy it, so he continued.

"Just, it always felt like they were a millions miles away."

And that was the truth. It was like they'd been floating miles above the earth together, until they came crashing back down, his father fist first, more times than he could count.

"Well, that must've been weird." Chim replied, clearly not quite sure how to respond to the underwhelming story Buck was feeding him.

"Nah, I just figured they liked each other more than they liked us." He said, then at Chimney's look of discomfort and maybe even pity he continued quickly with an exaggerated hand gesture like he was trying to brush it off, "They just weren't great with kids."

And that was true too, he'd grown up having to be scared of a lot of things when it came to his parents, but a divorce was never one of them. His own version of the truth was always they were made for each other, just not made to have kids.

"Ok, so I shouldn't be worried that you guys are hiding some deep, dark, Buckley family secret from me?" Chim asked, a bit of relieved humor making its way into his tone.

Not one that you'll ever find out about. He thought, instead choosing to say, "Nah, just your average run-of-the-mill dysfunctional."

Chim nodded a bit, looking fully relieved, shoulders slumping, and wasn't that a bit touching, that Chim had been that concerned and upset about Buck and Maddie potentially having been hurt in the past.

He settled back in his chair, and added with an easy grin, "Hey, welcome to the family."

They both chuckled a bit and Chim took the opportunity to switch the TV back on to check on whatever was going on down in Texas.

As he settled into the couch, his thoughts started to drift to places they hadn't in a while. Was Maddie really worried about turning out like their parents? That was ridiculous, he understood having those doubts, he had them too whenever he was left in charge of any of the 118's kids. Especially Chris. Especially after the tsunami. But that wasn't something he needed to think about right now.