Carolina | H.S

1

Here I am again, the same place I have found myself everyday for the past month. Doing the same thing that I have convinced myself brings me comfort, when in reality I am just letting myself sit in the pain and hurt - letting the betrayal run through my veins for yet another time. Why? I'm not exactly sure. Maybe it's because I'm refusing to admit to myself that it's over, or maybe it's because I'm not strong enough to move on.
Weak. That's what he always called me. He'd say I was "too weak to handle the truth", "too weak to face reality". He's right, of course. He's always right. I am weak, but how do you go about getting stronger?
My grandma used to tell me, "In order to pull yourself out of sadness, you need to be willing to make changes in your life for that to happen. It doesn't happen automatically, but you need to make it happen yourself. You've got to swim before you drown."

The harsh ringing of my phone brings me back to reality, and I reach over to the arm of my couch. As soon as I press the answer button, my best friend's screeching voice blares through the speaker.

"Alaila fucking Townes! Where the fuck are you?" she shouts, "You're 45 minutes late, Lai!"

"Jordyn, calm down! Late for what? We aren't going out till Saturday."

She scoffs. "Lai, it is Saturday! Get your ass here!"

I hear shuffling on the other side of the phone, before my other best friend's voice deafens me. "Lai, stop being a mole and come have fun! Forget about Nate for once and do what you used to love doing!"

"Blake, I'm just not in the mood, I'm sorry." I admit, throwing my head back onto the pile of cushions I had made.

"Yes you are, Alaila. I haven't drunk anything yet, so I'm coming to get you. Be ready in 30 minutes, okay?" Maybe they're right, I do needs to go out. I can't let Nate control my life anymore. He doesn't deserve that power.

"Okay, I'll get ready." A sound of cheers can be heard through the phone and I hang up, take a deep breath and walk to my bathroom.

Blake picked me up and drove me to the club where we met up with Jordyn and her boyfriend, Adam. The club was very lively, and did actually help me to climb out of that ditch of sadness that I have found myself in. And for once, it wasn't because I was sinking myself in alcohol. I was actually having fun with my best friends - I missed this feeling.

"Bitch, I am so glad you are out of that mole hole you call an apartment." Blake shouts over the music as we sit at the booth.

Adam and Jordyn are sat across from us, acting all lovey-dovey and shit. They are a cute couple, I must admit. But it does hurt to see a couple so happy when yours has just ended in flames.

Blake catches me staring at them and nudges me. "Lai, you need to get laid."

"I know, but I don't want to fall back into that one-night-stand shit again," I say with a sigh.

He nods understandingly. "Well at least let us set you up with a blind date.."

"Alaila is going on a blind date?" Jordyn shouts excitedly. "Who with?"

"Not yet, but I was just telling her we need to get her set up on one."

"I know someone who would be perfect, Jord," Adam adds, looking towards his girlfriend. "I can ask him for you, Lai?"

I contemplate the idea. Do I really want to go back into dating when I'm still not over Nate?
"Come on Laila, it doesn't have to be serious. You just need to get Nate out of your head."

"I'll have a think," I reply. "Adam, I'll let you know by the end of the night. Right now, I need another drink." I grab Blake by the hand. "Come on bestie, we are about to smash that dance floor to smithereens!"

Blake and I ordered two shots and a new drink each at the bar, before making our way over to the dance floor. I wasn't gonna go out tonight and just sit watching everyone else dance. Of course I have to dance too. Blake is the best dance partner too - he gives me so much confidence and he's just as shit as I am so I don't care what I look like.
While we are dancing, Blake turns to me. "I'm gonna head to the washroom. Keep dancing, you look hotttt!" I smile at him and watch as he leaves.
My eyes scan around the room while I wait for him to come back, and they land on a very familiar face. Nate fucking Oliver - bloody perfect.
There he is, a girl's lips attached to his neck while he is leaning up against the wall. His mouth holds a smirk of pride from the little show he has put on for the rest of the club to see.

I walk out of the bathroom and back over to the table that Nate and I had been sat on. He wasn't here, though. I brush it off, assuming he had also gone to the bathroom while I was gone.
As minutes go on, I feel a strange pit in my stomach and my nerves start to build up. Where is he?
I grab my phone and send him a text.

N<3

Hey baby, where did you go?
delivered 11:48pm

Nate, are you okay? Did you go home?
delivered 12:09am

Baby, I'm really worried. Are you still here?
delivered 12:42am

I'm tired baby. I'm going to go home. If you need me, please call me. I love you xxx
delivered 12:59am

I grab my purse and my jacket and open the Uber app on my phone, before standing up and making my way to the door of the club. Before I make it there, I am stopped in my tracks. There he is. My boyfriend who I've been looking for for over an hour walking out of the mens bathroom with another girl's hand in his. Our eyes meet and his satisfied, dazed look turns to shock.

"Baby, it's not what it looks like." He says, letting go of the girl's hand and rushing over to me. My heart is beating erratically and I can physically feel my heart cracking.

"What the fuck is it, then?" I shout, a tear escaping my eye. "How the fuck else can you explain this!"
He looks at me pleadingly, his mouth opening and closing as he tries to find something to say. Seeing him without and explanation is what finally causes my heart to break in two.
"I can't believe this, Nate. I love you for gods sake!" I scream, the tears streaming at this point.

"Well, you shouldn't have let me get so drunk and then left me by myself! What do you expect!" He shouts back.

Instead of replying, I just shake my head, before turning around and running out of the door, the tears continuing to flow. I ignore the shouts of my name behind me, the so-called 'love of my life' chasing after me.
I see my taxi pull up and I get in. "Please, go as quickly as you can." I pull out my phone again, seeing the relentless texts come through.

N<3

I'm tired baby. I'm going to go home. If you need me, please call me. I love you xxx
opened 1:05am

Baby I'm sorey it was a misdtake I lpve yiu
1:05am

I loce ypu Alaila
1:06am

I'm so so sp sorry baby
1:06am

Plesse do t leabve me
1:07am

I hope it was worth it, Nate. Fuck you.
1:08am

YOU HAVE BLOCKED THIS NUMBER

"Lai, are you okay?" Blake snaps me out of my flashback. He follows my gaze and sees Nate. "Oh Alaila."

"Blake," I say with confidence. "Tell Adam I'll take the blind date."