Death and Rebirth (Revision)

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It was the middle of winter, making the weather cold, wet and icy. Just thinking about it had me cuddling further into the blanket I had draped around and across my body. I was sitting in the backseat, bundled up in my own cocoon of warmth.

I didn't exactly hate winter, in fact I thought snow was beautiful in its own way. I just wished it didn't have to be accompanied by freezing temperatures, ice and slush. Even if I preferred being cold to being hot, to me, it would have been better if we could have snow in 60 degrees.

I turned down the volume on my air pods enough to focus in on the conversation my family had been having for the last hour and a half. The same exact conversation.

We had just come from a twilight movie marathon at my aunt's house with one of my cousins. Don't ask why we were still doing twilight marathons. We were in no way obsessed with the series, not at all.

"Jacob is way hotter! He is literally a Werewolf! They run hot, not to mention all those muscles and his abs," My sister practically had drool running down her chin to accompany the sound that escaped her. Sounding halfway between a moan of appreciation and a groan. The fact the entire fandom chose to sexualize a boy who was barely 18 didn't seem to faze her.

"Edward is a Vampire, sweetie. He is made to be perfect. Plus, he is chivalrous and romantic!" My stepmom sighed wistfully making me grimace. I wouldn't have called Edward romantic. Controlling or overbearing? Sure. Romantic? No.

"If we're talking perfection, I think you are missing Esme. She's a MILF if I have ever seen one," Dad interrupted with a teasing smile, and I groaned. I never needed to hear him refer to Esme as a MILF. I could have lived a very long life never hearing that. Even if he was right.

I was being a hypocrite in a way, truth be told I was also head over heels for one of the characters in the books and movies but not one you would anticipate. Tanya. She was everything.

She was smart, attractive, protective, strong, and I would spend forever kissing her if given the opportunity. She deserved the world and it angered me that Stephanie Meyer failed her so heavily. She failed many in the series but none more than Rosalie or the Denali sisters.

Irina didn't deserve to die. Tanya deserved a mate and Rosalie deserved to be a mom. It was unfair that Bella got to just walk into immortality with none of the struggles that other Vampire's face. Then to add insult to injury, she didn't have to give up on motherhood, something she didn't even want! At least not until she became pregnant with Edwards's baby. Then, suddenly, she was willing to risk it all for her unborn child. One second, she wants to spend eternity with Edward. The next second, she is willing to give up Edward and risk forcing him to raise a child he would hate and resent for taking her away.

He told her as much, 'Do you honestly think that I could love it, or even tolerate it, if it killed you?' and somehow, she was still willing to go through with it all. It truly did show her age. Eighteen and as indecisive as the rest of us. She was much too young to be making such life altering decisions.

"He's not wrong," My stepmom mused breaking me out of my thoughts and I wanted to gag. I didn't need to hear about my parents wanting to tag team Esme. Carlisle would have a field day with the information.

Tanya.

Her name rang through my head as she once again became the focus of my thoughts, not that she was ever far from them. I was sure if you looked up the word 'SIMP' at this point you'd only find a picture of me kissing the ground she walks on. Leave it to me to crush so hard on someone who wasn't even real.

Did that make me pathetic? Probably.

Did I care? Not really.

Especially, considering it could be so much worse. I could be crushing on a hundred-year-old teenager or a teen wolf. Toxic ones at that - or at least the love triangle between the three of them was insanely toxic, that doesn't necessarily mean they were toxic individually.

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