Loki and the Mind Control Squad!

Next Stop: Secret Lair!!!

The truck drove along the night road. Loki leaned back fully into his seat in the back, safe from his pursuers. He fought the urge to close his eyes, still faintish from his terrible experiences with Thanos, Ebony Maw, and The Other. The turned SHIELD agent, who helped him keep his balance back at the base when he almost keeled over, noticed him exhausted and sweating excessively. "Are you okay, Sir? You look feverish."

Loki glared at him, not wanting a human's pity, but he did need to get back to his full strength to take his throne, which would be a lot easier if he wasn't dehydrated. "I wouldn't mind some cold water to drink. Perhaps some ice?" They got him a pack of water bottles and a big bag of ice to put over his head and shoulders. 

"You should take off that long coat too: it'll help you cool down faster." The kind agent suggested.

"I most certainly will not!" Loki proudly protested, refusing to leave even an inch of himself unprotected. "The cold water will suffice." He drank every bottle in a matter of seconds. "Ohhh, this is lovely, thank you. Now, we just need to-"

"RRROrrmmMRROMmMRARArrmmm~"

Loki was cut off mid-sentence by a loud grumbling. Apparently, he was famished as well. Loki grimaced. Something had to be done about this: if not, surely Fury's men would be able to find them from the mere echoes of Loki's stomach rumbles.

"Grab a midnight snack?" Selvig suggested.

"Sounds good to me. Preferably something cold." Loki responded, still quite embarrassed, casting a spell to muffle the growling of his empty stomach.

"I have an idea." Hawkeye chimed in. "There's a place not far from here that's open 24/7."

"We're talking a restaurant, right? Not a shooting range. Because if one person tries to shoot an apple off of my head-"

"I'll tell them to aim lower." Hawkeye finished.

"Do I need to separate you two?!?" Loki warned, extremely hangry.

Thankfully, Team Loki came upon the ice cream shop. "My daughter and I come here all the time." Hawkeye told Loki. "Trust me, Sir, this is just what you need!" The gang reached the drive-in window.

"Welcome to Frosty Boy, may I take your order?"

"I'll have one triple-scoop mint chocolate chip." Hawkeye ordered. Noticing the large ice bag on Loki's back long past melted, he added, "Oh, and some bags of ice, if you have any extra." Loki's mind prisoners-with-jobs placed the fresh bags of ice on his head, shoulders, back, and arms, and not long after handed him his dessert. The ever-curious yet ever-cautious Loki took a lick. Delicious!!! He enjoyed every bite of this new treat he'd never tried before.

"Feeling better, Sir?" Hawkeye asked.

"It's called ice cream." Selvig introduced. "Midgard food is tasty, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes! Tis even more delightful than grapes~" Loki swooned, thinking in comparison of the sweetest thing he'd eaten in the past until now. "Another!!!" Loki joyfully shouted as he smashed the empty cone onto the counter. Selvig laughed silently to himself, reminded of Thor's first meal at the diner.

"Which flavor, sir?"

"All of them, please. I'll have a three-scooping of each!"

"Sir, we have almost 50 flavors of ice cream!"

"Excellent! And get me one of the same flavor I just had as well!"

"You know the cone is edible too, right?" The third member of Loki's entourage advised.

"Really? These Midgardian chefs think of everything, I'll admit!"

Selvig chuckled, impressed as Loki ate each and every flavor, cone by cone.

"Wow, you really do have as big of an appetite as I heard in the old Norwegian stories. Not even Thor ate that much!"

Hearing his brother's name made Loki gag. "Please, do not mention that name, or I may lose my appetite!" With each ice cream cone that Loki ate, he began to feel better and better. After he finished, he stopped sweating completely and looked much happier. "I thank you, my lady, for the ice cream. My compliments!"

The ice cream proprietor laughed. "Thank you, Sir. That'll be $125."

"I've got it, Sir." Hawkeye reached into his wallet and paid the lady. "My treat."

"And thank you." Loki gratefully said to Hawkeye. They drove away, resuming their mission with the Tesseract.

"As I was saying earlier, we need to find a base where Fury and his SHIELD dogs can't find us." Loki explained. "There we'll begin our research!"

"I know the perfect place for that too." Hawkeye stated.

"Excellent, Barton! You're doing marvelous! Take us there!" Loki praised. And that's exactly what he did. Many miles later, Selvig's curiosity got the better of him. "So, did you and Thor have a fight back on Asgard?"

Loki's eyes narrowed. That was putting it mildly. He had a good mind to turn this nosey Norwegian nerd into a toad!

"It's funny, the story of how I met your brother-"

"Tread carefully, Selvig, for you're stepping upon very thin ice..." Loki threatened, pointing his scepter at the astrophysicist.

"We ran over him with the car."

Loki's mood brightened a notch. He lowered his weapon.

"Twice." Selvig finished, giggling.

The god of mischief managed a grin. "Oh, very well, go on." Selvig then recounted the story, emphasizing the parts when Thor got humiliated and/ or hurt, which got some "Ehehehehe's" out of Loki, most of all the god of thunder's tasing! The long ride continued, and Loki began to grow bored.

"Selvig, do you know 'Jeg Saler Min Ganger?'" Loki asked curiously.

Dr. Selvig understood the language, but he didn't know Loki was referring to a song. "Umm, you do? Good for you."

Loki furrowed his brows and shifted his eyes to the side awkwardly. "It's a song."

"Oh. Uh, no, I don't. I know 'Den Er Min Hest!' And 'Jeg Var En Tenåringshoppe.'" Loki rolled his eyes.

"What'd he say?" Asked the mind-controlled SHIELD agent whose name even the narrator doesn't know.

"'I Was a Teenage Mare.'" Loki translated for him.

"Oh, congratulations. Well, if you ever run for office again, you've got my vote, Sir!"

Loki facepalmed. "Mare, as in horse, not ma-yor, the elected position!"

"How about 'Me and My Arrow?'" Hawkeye suggested. The others raised their eyebrows. "What? It's a classic."

Loki shook his head at the silly humans. "Foolish, lesser beings in desperate need of leadership..." He reiterated exasperatingly. "Indeed, I have much work ahead of me!"