A Lover's Sin

Chapter 2

The very things he said he was incapable of doing were the very things he did. Crushing me into pieces with no ounce of remorse. I should have put two and two together but I trusted him enough to overlook all his flaws.

"He wouldn't purposefully hurt me," I often comforted myself. But life knew better, and as you would have it, everyone knew, including the servants,they all knew I was the circus clown, but none dared to speak. I was humiliated and disrespected by the very man I had given my all to and all he could do was callously confess he was in love with another, oh I wished and prayed they would both drop dead, but my words fell on deaf ears.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months but the wounds I labored to nurse never healed. There was a storm brewing inside of me, one that was weaved with laothe and resentment. There was an unfamiliar twist in my stomach and an undefinable urge to burst out in tears and scream all manner of profanities to any anyone who cared to listen, but common sense wouldn't let me, thus far I had reached without dropping a tear and I intended to keep it that way, even if it would cost me my sanity.

In deafening silence I wait, hoping against hope that my eyes will bear witness to a day adorned with peace but I am my own antagonist, so I allow my mind to trail to the days of old, maybe somewhere along that path, I will find reason and finally free myself from my own web of misery.

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"Katherine, Katherine, come see,"my niece Elizabeth shouted as she scurried inside my shop, face lit with both excitement and anticipation . The door bell tinkled and a chilled yet warm breeze wafted into the room as if in sync with little Lizzie's vibration.
"Come see Katherine, she continued with her small hands persistently tagging on my dress.

The streets were filled with more people than usual-in this case, more women populated the  area, filling the air with their murmurs and giggles. While some stood along the road sides discussing amongst themselves, others swayed their way to the Towns's Square completely lost in thought. It was quite a rare sight to behold, not that the streets never had women walking around but most women were locked in the comfort of their houses and others were forced to stay indoors most of the time all in the name of 'women should not do or say somethings.' I was the town's rebel; so I heard, but I was never moved by their labeling, I made a promise to not only protect but to also fend for myself and I was true to that promise. 

"What is the fuss all about?" I managed to ask one excited lady before she disappeared into the crowd. " The King has finally decided to marry and he is hosting a royal ball to make a selection, more details at the town square," she babbled. " Are you going to attend the ball aunt Kathy?" Lizzie asked. I  could see her eyes were lit with curiosity and a thousand reasons why I should go.

No, no and no were my answers all through out the week. My sister Victoria and her daughter tried arduously to make me change my mind but I firmly stood my ground with head held high, there was no way on earth I was going to sacrifice my freedom for a lifetime of enslavement packaged in a box of companionship. The thought of parading myself in front of the king all in the name of earning his favor sent shivers down my spine and if my reasons were not good enough for anyone who was considered sane, I couldn't possibly abandon my business; it had finally reached its peak after long seasons of trying to prove to society what men can do, women can do better. I had come a long way and I had a throng of women looking up to me for a possibility of being brave and independent, therefore, getting married would flush hundreds if not thousand of dreams down the drain.

"You know its not too late to participate." Victoria made an attempt to change my mind one night. She didn't bother to look at me, instead she focused on the knitting at a hand but I could see the concern written all over her. I let out a deep sigh and headed to the comfort of my bed without uttering a word. While staring at the old high-pitched roof, my mind wandered to Victoria. Once upon a time she was married to an earl who was only good at gushing down ale, being promiscuous and vulgar, the story ended with a divorce and a child . For a long while Victoria was the talk of the town, many accused her of failing to take care of her home because she lucked home training but deep down they knew the truth; our beloved mother was the queen of home training, she was the loving submissive woman yet my father sent her to an early grave. How could I possibly let history repeat itself? Time had shown there was a  generational curse  lurking around but I wasn't ready to fight demons I didn't give a hoot about!