Blackish Blue

drakey

Mom's POV

I got my stationery out and wrote letters to all my children ; Dwayne, Drake, Dylan and Ciara. There is one for my husband, Cole too.

I look at the pills in my hand and i ask God for forgiveness one last time then i lie on m bed, go under the covers and throw them in my mouth.

I decided that i would go with a smile on my face for Ciara, so she'd know i didn't mind, so she'd know i would always love her.

As i feel my lids about to close for the last time i remember my Ciara as a little girl, trying to ride her bike on her own and i remember how she'd scrunch up her little nosein concentrationand i think about what was bothering her lately and how i never found out but then i also remeber that i will always watch over her no matter what and i smile- a genuine smile that freezes on my face as i see the bright light.

Ciara's POV

"Hey, mom i'm home" I yell one more time but no one answers me

"Mom,mom,mom! Where are you?"
I run into the kitchen in a frenzy, my heart rate already doubling and i look everywhere, the way i used to when i was a little girl playing hide and seek. i search in the oven, microwave,the toaster even though i know, i just know she won't be in any of them.

"Mom, no" i cry as i zoom into the bedroom and find her under the covers, cosy as anything with this beautiful smile on her face and before i even check i know she's gone because she used to be the lightest sleeper and she didn't wake up to all my banging and yelling.

I stop in my reverie as i realize i'm already saying 'used to'. My phone buzzes and as i check who it is, the fact that i'll never see my mom again wallops me over again. Jesse's name is on the caller ID but i have bigger problems so i call my dad and my brothers but i don't tell them that i know she's gone already, then i call 911.

The nice man tells me that i can't come in the ambulance with them so i climb in quickly to give her a kiss on her now chilly forehead as i tell her i love her.

After about 10 minutes, my da's BMW headlights shine onto the garage walls and i finally open my eyes. Before Dylan can even park the car, my dad is already out and i run into his arms - forgetting my new fear temporarily- and as he kisses myhair, i start to heave nerve-wracking sobs and my dad pulls away, looks at me and says in his shrink voice"Have you cried since you found her?" I shake my head no and he sighs. "Don't worry, we'll get through this"

My brothers come running out and they just look at me then Drake's eyes start to water as  he grabs me and i sob into his shoulder. He was always my favourite. I remember when i was looking at the pink heelies at the mall and my brothers kept walking without me, i stared at the shoes for 5 whole minutes before i realised they had moved on so i just got a frozen yogurt and sat there like my mummy told me to, then Drake found me and he started yelling at me and i was trying to explain about the heelies, so he went back in the shop with me to look at them and the next week he gave me the heelies for my birthday. He used to give up the grape ice-lollies for me and he'd let me play soccer with him even though i totally sucked.

I pull away to hug Dwayne and Dylan and croak "We better get to the hospital."

Drake's POV

Ciara was always so strong; she was the second mom and now she has these huge shoes to fill.

We're in the hospital waiting room and dad isn't even sitting while Ciara looks like she's seen a ghost. I wish i was the one who found her not Ciara but there's nothing i can do except be there. The social worker walks in and we all get up like we're in the army and she says with sympathy to my dad"I am so sorry, Mr. Knight but your wife didn't make it but we found out she had cancer."
"Cancer? What in God's name are you even talking about? My mum had cancer?" yells Dylan and if i thought Ciara looked pale before, she looked absolutely ghastly now.

"Do you guys want to see her, say a few last words?"
"I'll go" i already start saying but i'm interrupted because Ciara counters with "No, we'l all go. i'm sure we all have something to say to her." and i suddenly remember why our family hasn't quite crashed and burnt yet.