BREATHE IN & OUT WITH EASE

(1)

I drive over to the side of the road and park.  My headlights are shining brightly, and the trees are rustling frantically. I open my door and step out, gazing up into the sky.

"Please, God, don't let me live with this remorse..." I mutter to myself before proceeding to the apartment. I find myself rubbing my hands together and chewing on my bottom lip as I become increasingly nervous. 

I have a habit of doing that. 

I press the button and wait for the voices of those I've buzzed for to come through.

"Hello? Who's here?" "Hello?" The voice rang out into the speak box. I press down on it and speak into it.

"Hello... Tony. It's Azealia." I hear a long period of silence from his end, followed by the buzzing of the door. I hesitantly open the door and go inside Walking two flights of stairs to then arrive at his apartment's door.

I knock once. Twice. Three times.

Finally, he answers. Opening the door and gesturing for me to come in. Awkwardly I step in, turn and face him. He locked the door and looks at me. 

"Well, go ahead and take off your coat, get comfortable." He said walking past me to his kitchen. I slid the coat off my shoulders and hang it on one of the hanging rods, Taking a seat in one of the single chairs by a hanging painting portrait of a woman holding flowers.  She looks expressionless. Too fake yet lucid looking. displaying a look of refrainment.

Tony gets back with two cups of water. 

"Oh no, Tony I don't mean to be here too long," He walks over to the corner as I say this, my eyes follow him, "I just-" He pores one of the filled cups into a silver bowl.  "Oh," I say realizing the cup for was something else. 

"Azealia, what are you doing here?" He walks up to a chair and sits down. I look at him, befuddled. I get where he's coming from, I haven't talked to my brother in over a year, let alone had thoughts to come over and sit with him in his own apartment. 

"Look...Tony, I mean no harm I just need...A place-" I hesitated, " To say." I lower my head in shame.

"What do you mean, Azealia?" As I raise my head, Tony's gaze appears to be drawn to mine. A furnace is arousing in my chest.

Guilt.

I swallow hard, trying to get rid of the lingering thick spit. Nonetheless, the dryness causes my mouth to close.

I mutter, "Tony." sighing and stand up, "Sorry to disturb you."  I start for the door. But he says my name. I stop but don't turn.

"You don't get to just come and start to say something and not finish." His voice is tightened. I turn. 

"I didn't-" I start

"-What, You didn't what, Mean to leave us in the dust and just come back and expect us to be down on ower knees for when you're on  tight ends!" I see his reddened eyes tighten close, the tears dribble out. My face gets hot and red. I frown and cringe hearing his words, they stab into me, causing me to grow shaky. My hands can't stay still, they fidget with the fabric of my shirt's bottom part.

"Im sorry-" I get cut off again.

"-NO I DON'T WANT A PATHETIC LIE YOU CONVENED YOURSELF WAS TRUE!" He yells. I swallow down a harrowing response.  It goes silent. He stares at me with blemished eyes. 

"GET OUT." He demands. I jump But was frozen there as if not understanding what he adjured for. His eyes shut aggressively, then his jaw clenched. Slowly he opens his eyes.

"Get. Out. NOW!" He hisses. 

I flinch back as he jerks in his seat. My face hurt and confused. My throat closes. I clutch my coat and yank it off the rod in a rush, then Give one last glance back at my brother, seeing his venomous eyes still locked on me and Walkout closing the door gently behind me.

Once outside the building, I stand there, comprehending what all he said. then I collapsed. breakdown, body shaking in sobs. Covering my eyes with my hands and couch there crying.

I stay there in the cold and sob. Sob, Sob, sobbed, For what seemed like hours until I finally get up still shaking, and walk to my car. Getting in and shutting the door.

I take a minute just sitting there, not that I haven't been sitting and taking a minute the last six years of my life but I sit and calm down. 

After feeling I'm good to drive myself, I pull out. Driving away from the apartments complex. I Look out the window looking for a nice place to park and settle at. Seeing an empty spot near a grocery store I wheel in. Parking it and turned off my headlights.  

I close my eyes and breath in and out.

Homeless. Im homeless.

THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING THIS SECOND PAGE OF THIS BOOK OF MINE. I HOPE YOU ARE WELL AND LOVED.