I jus wanna feel

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TW*
Also I'm not romanticizing self harm or anything like that. I self harm :/ so I know how shitty it feels after relapsing.

She was fine until she wasn't.

She cut her thighs.
She just wanted to feel.
She wanted to feel better.
She wanted him.
She missed him.
She was too tired.
Tired of everything.
She had herself convinced that she didn't care about anything or anyone anymore.
She tried to stop caring.
She wanted to be gone.
She lost everyone.
She had nothing, every ounce of happiness was sucked out of her life.
Too tired


She took some melatonin.
She didn't take enough.
Not enough to kill her.
But enough to make her feel.

She stayed up with a headache.

Then she did it.

She texted him.
"I need you."

Fuck

No
No
No
No

He's gonna see how much of a mess she is.
She can't move.
Her body is still.

Until he texted back.
"I'm on my way."

Mascara stained her cheeks from crying.

Twenty minutes later here he was standing in her bathroom.

"I'm sorry" He whispered
"It's ok"

"Where's the wrap stuff for this- Jesus." He looked in her cabinets like a caveman.
"Right there" She pointed to the drawer.
"It's never gonna get better is it vin?" She looked up at him as he wrapped her arm up.
"Here we are again. It feels like we're on loop. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." She said
"Me madly in love with you. You whose never gonna like me."

"And how do you know I don't like you?" He asked
"Because you're never around." She said
"I'm never around because it's hard to not kiss you. I always thought you liked max. I'm sorry" He whispered
"I'm so fucking sorry" And them she saw a tear roll down his cheek.

He wrapped her arms and thighs after cleaning them.
"Vinnie" She said
"Yeah?"
"Stay with me please"
"I was already going too baby." He kissed her forehead.
He helped her to her bed.
"I love you" He said "I wish this wasn't the way I told you but I love you so much."

He had been staying with her for about a month. Making sure she showered, ate, he went on walks with her, he talked to her.
He made sure she was alright.

She was sitting on his lap bc he was in her gaming chair.
"Nooo I'm gonna die." Vinnie said dramatically
"Shhh no you're not I'm so good at this game." She laughed
"No you suck ass." Vinnie said
She gasped "rude"
"It's true" Vinnie grinned
She turned around a little smiling at him. He sat the remote down. She leaned to him connecting their lips. "I love you" She mumbled into the kiss.
Vinnie pulled away smiling.
"I love you too." He smiled
He connected their lips again.
He moved her were she was on his lap facing him. "Mm"
Did they do it on the chair? Guess we'll never know

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