Series of Hate

36. A deal of truths

Pov: Sayla

It's always the same when you're caught doing anything embarrassing like crying, it's meant to be done in private away from prying eyes and when you're caught red handed how are you even meant to react?

"Yes I was crying." I admit, a slight tinge of annoyance seeping through. "It's a normal thing to do."

Conan hums in response, seemingly too intrigued by the bland ceiling to even meet my gaze. "But why are you crying now?" His voice was emotionless as if he couldn't care less about this conversation.

My brows furrow. How do I even answer that?

I don't even know why I'm crying, the tears just pierced through. To tell him my mind was too distraught thinking back to my time in Rietkole, the people I knew and who they are now.

Or to own up and admit that I was hurt. Hurt by the idea that I was a simple fuck to the man beside me. But why would I care anyways?

He was simply a lustful wish of mine, not meant for anything deeper.

"It doesn't matter." I turned away from him again, feeling his arm rest at my back. The swarm of emotions hitting like a tidal wave.

My period is definitely due soon.

"It obviously does if you're crying about it." He keeps up the same annoying banal tone.

"I was just thinking about things." My voice was now hushed as I stared off into the dark crevices of the room, locked away from the light that lit up our surroundings.

"What things?" Adjusting himself beside me, I felt a dip in the pillow underneath my head. His breath brushed against my ear with each word spoken and his engulfing scent stung my nose.

"If I wanted you to know I would have said them out loud, they are my thoughts Conan so that means they are for me." I briskly turned in the sheets, anger starting to boil within.

Turning my body my head nearly hit into his, he lay much closer than expected, causing my breath to catch in my throat. "You always asked about my thoughts." He prodded, his warm brown eyes risking a glance down to mine.

I peered upwards through my lashes, feeling their damp bristles hit just below my brow. "It's not like you've ever answered the question."

"I suppose."

"So why would I tell you?" I shake my head slightly, not breaking our gaze that seemed to speak a thousand words. "You won't even admit why we are here."

I wanted to tell him, I wanted to spill it out in the open but the silent question hung in the air. Its deafening weight settling on both of us.

Can I trust you?

He gave me no reason to trust him bar maybe the fact he saved my life, maybe the uncertain look he gave me before daring to touch me without my permission and maybe the way he jumped in front of me so I wouldn't be shot. But still I wouldn't have been in that situation if it wasn't for him.

He stared down at me while I silently debated to myself. He must've been thinking through things himself as I could see the dazed look fall back over his eyes.