Stories About Being a Shy Psychotherapist - A Memoir

Chapter 1: Serenity, Hope & The Future

Lynn and I are sitting on the beach near Johnnie Mercer's Pier just listening to the ocean waves. It's a quiet afternoon in September an afternoon like so many others. Like so many other afternoons, I was anxious to see Lynn at the end of the work day. My job as a technical writer at Corning would be ending soon but somehow I knew things would be alright.

I don't know what I was feeling but things seemed right and peaceful today. 

I was all set to talk about my plans and work out the details of my future with Lynn. I would bounce ideas off her and get her feedback. I saw Lynn as a very practical person. She was also very nurturing. 

Something about being with Lynn just made everything seem so serene and right. I wish I could do more to describe this experience. 

With the sun setting behind us, I let go of all thoughts and everything I was going to discuss today... all my worries seem at this moment to be unimportant to me. It seems right and necessary for me to do this. 

Lynn looks so amazing... beautiful. I am so lucky that I am with her. 

Thoughts about the future are not far away in reality. Moments earlier, we were discussing the volunteer work I was doing at "The Oaks" psychiatric hospital. I have letters of recommendation from the social work team at Georgia Regional Hospital. Next fall I will start graduate school at the University of South Carolina. 

That's the plan and I know it will work out. I have met all the requirements for entrance. 

My job at Corning Glass is ending in a month. I had wondered if I would get a permanent job but it doesn't look like that will happen. In fact, that is great. The work is boring and it doesn't provide me with any experience that would help me achieve my dreams. I need experience in the human services field, preferably in a field where I will be providing services to people with mental health or related issues. I have found out about opportunities to work with individuals that have developmental disabilities. 

Now, sitting on this beach, with Lynn, for this date, seems like the only thing that matters. There is something hypnotic about these waves. I used to like the mountains growing up - they provided me with a sense of privacy and escape. Now, I am not seeking to escape. I am where I want to be. 

The dreamer/philosopher/poet in me reflects upon the nature of this moment. Waves are a good metaphor. There is motion but nothing is changing. Nothing is changing. 

Neither Lynn nor I is speaking. Nothing needs to be said. 

I have achieved something of an epiphany. A moment when I have discovered some important truth about life and reality. I wish I could have figured this out before. It would have made things easier. 

When I had graduated from the Georgia Institute of Technology (Georgia Tech), I had a plan but it seemed like such a daunting challenge. I was graduating with a Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering degree. Yes, that is radically different than where I was headed. 

I mentioned that I was volunteering at "The Oaks" psychiatric hospital. That was work I was doing with Chris Hauge D.S.W (Doctorate of Social Work), L.S.C.W. (Licensed Clinical Social Worker). He was helping me with my goals of one day working as a psychiatric social worker, which is to say that I wanted to learn how to use psychology and social work knowledge to improve the lives of others. 

This is no small challenge for me. When I started college in 1984, I had virtually no social skills. I imagined myself helping people who have a wide range of problems, whether those problems are things like shyness, social anxiety or social phobia, or much more serious conditions like schizophrenia. This has been my dream for so long... ever since I started exploring who I was and what would be a good match for me. 

I started asking questions when I was in counseling for shyness and social phobia. It is understandable that someone like me with my problems would not have considered counseling others when I had no social skills myself. All that had changed. 

Indeed, I had a long way to go still. Right now, that doesn't seem to matter. Right now, there is just the sun setting behind us. In front of Lynn and me is the ocean which faces east, of course. 

It may or may not be nice to have this moment last forever. I have dreams worth pursuing. I have had dreams. Lynn has dreams as well. Right now we are not thinking about those things. 

Yet the sun does set behind us... and that's okay. 

I have a story to tell. This was an example of what psychotherapists call mindfulness. It involves bringing one's attention to experiences happening in the present moment without judgement. What was amazing about that moment was that it happened naturally. We weren't trying to practice a psychological technique... which is not to say that my friends and Lynn were not open to practicing techniques that I would learn about on the job. 

Everything just described was real. The epiphany occurred there on that beach. I wasn't trying to  focus my attention on experiences happening in the present moment on a beach in 1992 on Wrightsville Beach. It just happened. 

The waves were hypnotic. The moment was dream-like. 

What I was able to accomplish would not have been possible without the support and nurturance of Lynn. In my other books I have written more about Lynn and our life together. Please read "Overcoming Shyness & Loving Lynn - A Memoir" as well as other books by me on my Amazon page and here on Wattpad. 

In the next chapter, I will describe the work I was doing at The Oaks because that would be a very valuable form of education even though it was just volunteer work.