Little burgalar (Thorin Oakenshield x reader)

Chapter 6. Troll cave and Wargs

~TA 2941 30 of May~

Some of us (Dwalin, Bofur, Dori, Ori and Nori) were placed on a skewer above the fire, and the rest in sacks near the fire. When the trolls throw me, I land directly on Thorin. I feel my face heat up from this event. I couldn't move so I tried to be still as possible that I don't upset Thorin. I was still scared and angry but strangely Thorin's presence reassured me. "Don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." the sneezer say. "They should be sauteed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." Bert say and disagree with the sneezer.

"Is this really necessary?" Dori ask, but he is ignored. "Ooh, that does sound quite nice." the sneezer say. "Untie us, you monsters!" Oin shout and right after that Gloin shout "Take on someone your own size!". "Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone." the second troll say. I look at Bilbo and see that he has the same idea as me, but I can't get up so I'll leave the implementation of the plan to him. And he is most of the time better with words.

"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake." Bilbo say, trying to get the trolls' attention. "You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!" Dori shout and right after that Bofur shout "Half-wits? What does that make us?". Bilbo manage to get up and say "Uh, I meant with the, uh, with, uh, with the seasoning.". "What about the seasoning?" Bert ask whit little interest. "Well have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." Bilbo say, trying to win time, but the dwarves shout and call him a traitor.

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" second troll ask. "Shut up, and let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit talk." Bert say. "Uh, th--the secret to cooking dwarf is, um--" Bilbo stammer. "Yes? Come on." Bert incite. "It's, uh--" Bilbo try to come up what to say. "Tell us the secret." Bert say. "Ye--yes, I'm telling you, the secret is ... to skin them first!" Bilbo say. "Tom, get me the filleting knife." Bert command. "If I get you, you little--" Gloin begin. "I won't forget that!" Dwalin shout angrily. "What a load of rubbish! I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and all." the second troll say.

"'e's right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy." the sneezer say and pick Bombur, hanging him above his mouth. "Not--not that one, he--he's infected!" Bilbo say distressed. "You what?" the second troll ask. "Yeah, He's got worms in his ... tubes." Bilbo say. The sneezer drops Bombur back to the ground in disgust. "What is your brother doing" Thorin whisper into my ear, it made chills run down my back. "He's trying to win time, that the sun rise and turn the trolls into stone" I respond to Thorin, turning my head to him.

"In--in fact they all have, they're in--infested with parasites. It's a terrible business; I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't." Bilbo say, he cannot think about something else. "Parasites, did he say parasites?" Oin ask. "We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kili shout. "What are you talking about, laddie?" Gloin ask. "Thorin do something" I whisper as the others shout that they don't have parasites and are ruining our plan. Luckily, that's when Thorin kick the others so that they understand. I'm surrounded by idiots!

"I've got parasites as big as my arm." Oin say. "Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites!" Kili shout, idiot. "We're riddled." Nori say and Ori continue "Yes, I'm riddled.". And last, Dori say "Yes we are. Badly!". "What would you have us do, then, let 'em all go?" the second ask. "Well..." Bilbo start but the second troll interrupts him "You think I don't know what you're up to? This little ferret is taking us for fools!". "Ferret?" Bilbo ask injured."Fools?" Bert ask.

As I turn my head I see Gandalf appearing on top of a large stone and shouting "The dawn will take you all!". "Who's that?" Bert ask. "No idea." the second troll answer. "Can we eat 'im too?" the sneezer ask just when Gandalf strike the stone with he's staff and it crack. When the sun light hits the trolls, they scream in pain and turn into stones. Everyone shout happily as we got out of the danger. "Oh, get your foot out of my back!" Dwalin complain.