On Track | MINSUNG

13

Since they'd admitted their fear of having sex, Minho had noticed they were a lot more open with their fears. Jisung had told Minho several times now when he was more anxious than usual, and Minho had told Jisung when his school work was stressing him out.

Changbin and Felix had been right: communication really was key.

Minho had actively tried not to think about sex, in order to avoid stressing about it, but there had been several times over the last two weeks that he'd had to stop what they were doing before it got too far, because he'd ended up overthinking about what would happen if they had sex. It wasn't fair, Minho thought, for him to be kissing Jisung while stressing about something else. He wanted their first time to be natural, in the moment. Not just because Jisung wanted that, but also because Minho thought sex was something you should lose yourself in, something that should happen spur of the moment, when you're lost in each other and the moment.

Jisung shifted beside Minho, jostling him from his thoughts. It was Saturday; Minho had stayed the night at Jisung's, as he'd done last Friday, too. It reminded him of his first boyfriend--Yoonbum had stayed at Minho's every Friday--but it was also different. Because this was Jisung, because they had a different relationship dynamic, because Minho's feelings for Jisung were different. Stronger. Deeper.

'Minho,' Jisung mumbled, throwing his leg over Minho's. 'We doing anything today?'

Minho pulled him closer, smiling against Jisung's skin. 'No. Do you want to?'

'We should stay in bed all day.'

Minho grinned. 'Fantastic idea, sweetheart.'

Jisung moved his leg, and pushed Minho onto his back. Jisung climbed on top of him, tucking his head into Minho's neck. Minho smiled, wrapping his arms around Jisung. These moments had to be his favourite, sleepy and carefree. These were the moments that came to mind when Minho thought about their relationship, or when he heard someone else mention their own relationship. Minho was convinced that as long as moments like this existed, they didn't even need to have sex. Sex wasn't a necessity. It was a want. Nobody died from a lack of sex. People died from a lack of love. And these moments--these moments were filled with love.

The words I love you were usually on the tip of Minho's tongue. Not that he would say them. Not now. Jisung shifted again, so his weight rested on his knee, which Minho realised was to keep him from feeling Jisung's hard on.

'Jisung,' Minho began, not sure what to say but feeling the need to say something. He thought they were past embarrassment about this stuff.

'Minho,' Jisung said quietly. 'You know I really like you, right?'

'Of course I do,' Minho said. 'I really like you, too.'

'And you know I want to have sex with you.'

'Jisung.' Minho wasn't sure where Jisung was going with this, but he was worrying him. 'What's wrong?'

'I just--I don't want you to think I'm, like, using you, for, um, blowjobs or anything--'

'Why would I think that?' Minho ran his fingers up and down Jisung's back, trying to comfort him. If Jisung was telling him this now, it meant he'd been thinking about it for days.

'Because every time we've done something, it's just been you sucking me off and I don't, like, give you anything back, and then you're just hard afterwards, and it's not fair--I just feel guilty, and I don't want you to think I don't care about you or that I'm not gonna, like, have sex with you. Because I will. I want to.'

'Sweetheart, I don't think that at all. I know you care about me, and I care about you more than anything. I like sucking you off. Even if you didn't want sex and you just wanted me to suck you off, I wouldn't mind.' Minho pressed a kiss to Jisung's hair. 'Yeah, okay, being hard isn't fun, but I'm not gonna push you into anything. And besides,' Minho continued with a smirk, 'if you were using me for blowjobs, you would have said something by now.'