On Track | MINSUNG

68

When Jisung had said he had ideas, he meant he had meticulously planned every detail of every different way the scenario could possibly go. Which was born from his anxiety, but Minho didn't mind it that much. He knew if he followed a rough plan of what Jisung wanted Jisung would be happy, but that didn't stop Minho from worrying he wouldn't live up to Jisung's expectations.

'I've never done anything on Valentine's Day,' Jisung said.

They were on the bus on the way home to Jisung's flat, having resumed their school routine of going to Jisung's every weekend. English study had been better than expected: Jennifer hadn't turned up and Jisung had spent the entire time telling Minho about his Valentine's Day plans.

'Me neither,' Minho said.

'Not even with Yoonbum?'

'No.' Minho still didn't like thinking about Yoonbum when he was with Jisung, and really didn't like talking about Yoonbum with Jisung. He didn't like the thought of Jisung comparing himself to Yoonbum.

'Why?'

Minho shrugged. 'We only got together in January, so when Valentine's Day came, I guess it just felt too soon. I didn't really think about it. Neither of us mentioned it and we just continued like normal.'

With Yoonbum, although they'd been friends from the start of the year, it had taken them months to become closer, and Minho hadn't started liking him as more than a friend until December. But with Jisung... Minho had wanted to get to know him since the first day of school, and had developed feelings quickly. He didn't know what had changed between last year and this year, but he was glad it had.

Jisung beamed. 'So this will be your first celebrated Valentine's Day?'

'Yeah.'

Jisung leaned into Minho. 'I'm glad I get to have at least one of your firsts.'

At least one of your firsts. Minho wouldn't have minded if he hadn't gotten any of Jisung's firsts; he wanted Jisung, and the concept of glorifying firsts only fueled a patriarchal culture of viewing people--especially women--as objects that could be brand new or used. But Minho could understand it. Because as much as he didn't care whether the guy he was with was a virgin or not, Minho felt privileged to have been Jisung's first everything: first kiss, first fuck, first boyfriend.

'Does it bother you?' Minho asked. 'That you haven't had any of my firsts?'

'No,' Jisung said quickly. But then he paused. 'Maybe. I'm not upset, it's not up to me to choose, but I guess I just...feel betrayed? Not like betrayed betrayed, but--I don't know. I wanted my firsts to be with someone special, and they have been. But your special person was Yoonbum. And I know you don't like him anymore, but... Sorry, this is really selfish.'

'No, I get it,' Minho said. 'It's not selfish. Sex is special for us, and you wouldn't lose your virginity to anyone. But please don't think you're not special, Jisung.'

'No, I know. I am special and you love me and I feel the same but--' Jisung pressed his face to Minho's shoulder. 'I was talking to San a while ago, and he said he's glad Wooyoung has all this experience because San didn't know what he was doing. And I get that, and I'm glad you know what you're doing. But I also just kinda wish I could have been your first, you know?'

'I know,' Minho said gently. 'I'm glad I've had your firsts, it makes me feel really special. But you've had some of my firsts too, Jisung. You're the first to go to that café, you're my first brat...'

'I'm not a brat,' Jisung protested. 'I'm good.'

'You are good. But you're also bratty, and I love that, sweetheart. And you'll get my first Valentine's Day, too. But even if you didn't get any of my firsts, that doesn't matter. It doesn't make you any less special. You're more special than Yoonbum, Jisung. I've never felt like this before.'