Better together

Chaper 8

tw: talking about eating disorder

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Meredith POV

I woke up and had my head still on her head and I felt her hand on my back.

I fell so safe with her and this is the best relationship I ever had, but I really need to have sex soon. I don't want to rush her into something she doesn't want. Maybe I will just take some selftime later in the shower since today is our free day.

Suddenly I felt a little movement under me and I smiled. „Good morning, gorgeous." She said with her adoreable moring voice."Good mornig. Why are you awake? We have today off, remember?" she nodded and said „I don't know but I think I wake up automatlicly at this time." I smiled and kissed her on the lips. We stood up and went to make breakfast togehter. Since we had more time today, we decided to make scrambbled eggs and bacon again. We ate and then she asked something out of the blue „Mer? Can I talk to you about something?" I was still a little insecure because of what happened yesterday and panicked a little. „Yeah... what is it?" „Amm... I'm actually a little embarred to say this, but I wanted to ask you if we could, you know, have sex? Like I really want to have sex with you, I haven't had sex in ages and I really love you so please?" she asked. I started grinning and said „If you really want to, of course we can have sex. But I really don't want you to rush into something and then regret it. I mean it's not that I wouldn't want to have sex with you, I really do." „Ummm... I really am a little insecure about that but I feel so save with you. It just feels right."

She wants to have sex with me!!! Well then I will wait with my selftime...

I went upstair to shower and to shave while she was doing the dishes. When I was ready I went back to my room and put on some matching underwear in dark red, because it was her favourite colour. After that I just coverd my upper body with one of her shirts and chose some shorts. Normaly I would spent my free day with my kids when they are back from school, but since there is still a pandemic I wouldn't be able to do that. I fastly texted Caroline, the grandma of my children, if it would be okay if I called tonight and she answered with a thumbs up. I smiled at my phone and Addie asked „What are you smiling at?" „Oh, Caroline just said it would be okay if I call the kids tonight. See?" I showed her the chat so she could see that I really texted Caroline and she didn't need to be jealous. But she reacted not the way I thought. „Oh okay, I will read then. I don't think you want me to be with you, while you're talking with your kids." She said that with kind of a sad voice. „Addie? Are you crazy? I want you to meet my kids, even if it's not in person. I want them to know about us, of course only if it's okay with you." She looked at me and smiled. „I would love to meet your children, Mer." We cleaned up and went upstairs. „Do you want to shower first or should I..."

I wouldn't mind showering together either...

She looked at me and slowly said „Well, if you don't mind I could... you know... join you." My mouth fell open and I couldn't do anything but nodding. We went to the bathroom and she stood right infront of the door. She didn't move and just stood there. „Addie, are you okay?" She shook her head and I saw tears building up in her eyes. „Hey, hey, what's wrong?" I asked softly. She looked at me and wispered „I'm so sorry. I can't. I know that I asked and I know that you are dissapointed right now, but I really can't."
 
Addison POV

What will she say? I mean this isn't the first time I react like this when I am supposed to get naked infront of her. I'm just so afraid to tell her, that I have some issues with this, because of things I experianced in all of my relationships. I need to tell her. I trust her.

Meredith looked a little confused and asked, „Did I do something, or is it in gerneral this getting naked infront of me thing? I mean you reacted like this a few days ago, when I tried to help you out of your shirt." „Yeah, but it has really nothing to do with you, Mer." We sat down on the floor and I started to explain to her „So I have some issues with getting naked infront of people. In all of my relationships I was told I had an ugly body or I needed to loose some weight. And I got a eating disorder out of it. I went to therapy and now everything is fine with food, but I still am very insecure about getting naked infront of other people, especially people I realy like. I'm scared that I get judged again because I gained weight. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you." I looked at my hands and started to play with my anxiety ring. She placed her hands on mine and pulled me into a hug. „It's totaly fine. You tould me now and I know now. I'm happy that you shared this with me and that you trust me enough to tell me such a big thing about yourself. And I won't rush you into something you don't feel hundret percent comfortable with, okay?" I nodded and we just stayed this way for almost one hour. „Addie?" she asked because I hadn't moved in all this time. „Yeah?" „I really need to take a shower and to pee." She said a little embarressed. I got up and went out of the bathroom. I felt save and loved when I was with her, so I was quite suprised when she opened the door after she went to the toilet. „What is it? Did I leave something in there?" „No but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to watch me while I shower." I was stunned by that offer but I accepted. After I closed the door behind me she started so pull of her cloth. Her body looked wonderful. „Woah, Mer you look beautiful. I mean you look beautiful everytime I see you but right now..." She just smiled and showed me that she understood what I wanted to say. She stepped into the shower and started to let the water rinse down her naked body, she smiled and turned the water of to get some shampoo. After Meredith was done with putting on shampoo and body wash she slowly washed it out of her hair and off of her body.