Chapter 18

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One Year Ago....

"Harrison, this whole idea is rather stupid," I persist though the blonde boy had made up his mind. The two of us were walking to Tom's house after a 6 hour flight which I had just gotten home from. Of course once I arrived Harrison practically begged me to go surprise Tom. Although one couldn't come home early from university and not surprise their boyfriend. After all Tom had been begging me to come to London, I didn't think it be a good idea to leave him, to leave all of it here and go off to school but I hoped upon my return everything could fall back into place.

To be frank I've been majorly homesick, the sludge and flurries of snow reminded me of all the past times within this neighbourhood. The childish games I'd play, running down the streets as kids then later again as a teenager. Sneaking out and lying in the grass. I missed the nostalgia of high school innocence, I seemed to grow out of all of it but I could never grow out of Tom. 

Harrison and I came to the residence of the Holland's, Harry and Sam already on their way out. The smiles on their faces when they saw me, as if I were family too. 

"Y/N? You're home early?" Sam exclaims, he practically drops his bag to come greet me. I smile and hug him, same with Harry. 

"So how was school? You miss me?" Harry teases.

"Oh definitely, don't tell Tom but I was only thinking of you the whole time I was there," I reply.

"Oh for sure Tom's a wanker, you could do so much better, you know you always have my number if you need it..." Harry's banter was always pleasing. 

"Yeah, yeah, where is Tom anyway, we're gonna' surprise him," Harrison adds. 

They both shrug and I thought nothing of it, the boys led different lives it wasn't unlikely that the twins would be entangled in their brother's doings. 

I watch them pile into their dad's Range Rover, mountains of bags cramped into the trunk like a clown car of garbage. Watching them drive away felt like being back in the swing of things, back in my schedule. 

I pull the coppery key with the leather key chain from my pocket, slowly inserting it in the door. My hand grasps the knob and it feels cold to the touch, I try my best to open the door slow, it's hinges giving away at my unsteady pace. Once we step inside I truly felt my life fall back to normal. 

Harrison shuts the door behind us and whispers,"Tom's probably upstairs, let's surprise him in his room."

The two of us creep up the stairs trying not to make a sound but chuckling anyways. We imagine Tom's reaction, I say he'll smile, he says he'll scream. I hope he get's to his feet and wraps me in his arms once more, I hope I smell the scent I've since replicated at school, over wearing his old school sweater almost every night as if it even compares to falling in his arms. 

We approach his door and I hear the heavy breathing of his behind it. He's tired, I can tell from his groans, almost like he's slowly being awakened. Harrison's grinning and pointing at the door for me to open it. I hesitate but I was too excited to wait for long. Swiftly I open the door, the squeak of the hinges sending my nerves over the edge. I'm excited, and nervous, and all the adrenaline of a semester on my own exclaiming out as I enter his room. 

My gaze was in hyper focus, all I saw was Tom. He was effortlessly gorgeous, even when it was evident that he just woke up. His hair in a cute mess and his eyes, how they glowed for me. 

He wasn't smiling at me. His eyes weren't beaming, they were wide. 

I was only focused on him when Harrison shouts,"What the fuck Tom?"

My thoughts came to haunt and I realized my situation, my focus was broken and I could see a good luck at the second lump in the bed. 

"Y/n..." Tom's voice was frail, but I didn't know if he felt guilty. 

The girl looked at me, then at him. She was beautiful, her hair was flawless after a sleep, her skin looked shiny and smooth and without a blemish to riddle the flesh. She was lovely and charming, I was sure of it, I bet she danced and sung and played sports. My eyes watching her tug at her bottom lip at the uncertainty of her actions. She looked at me then him again. 

She stumbles out of the bed frantically grabbing at her clothes then runs out the door without forgetting to whisper a phrase in my ear, she says, "I'm sorry, I didn't know." Then there she left out the door. I didn't even speak, I didn't blame her, she didn't know.

Did he ever even mention me at all?

When I would trail on with stories about him to all who'd answer...and he'd never even mention me at all. 

"Tom, why would you-, this isn't you," Harrison scolds him, I think he's angrier than I am. His parents are in a divorce. 

Tom doesn't answer, he's as speechless as I am. 

"I can't deal with you right now, I can't deal with this," Harrison adds in frustration,"I'll meet you outside Y/N."

I watch him walk back down the hall and down the staircase. I'm back to face Tom, I've never been so reluctant to accept reality.

"Don't cry Y/N, please," he says softly.

I hadn't even felt the tears on my cheeks. I didn't realize the sting of saltwater pooling my eyes. 

I wanted to confront him but I wasn't comfortable to say a word.

"Talk to me," he adds.

I nod and slowly walk towards him, he hasn't left the bed. I take the spot where had kept his past mistress, as I shift up I fall into the dent of where her dainty body laid. 

"I'm sorry Tom," I sigh as a breath. His face shows confusion, maybe even concern. 

"Why? Y/N I cheated on you, this is my fault. This isn't your fault," he says, his hand found mine and immediately at his touch I burst. His fingers a pin and I popped. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close to him and I cried. I cried right into the chest of the one who caused the tears.

"Why wasn't I good enough for you Tom?" I ask painfully, sorrowfully. 

"You always were, Y/N, you always were"

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