Arranged To Love You

Unloveable

Arthit

Dinner was awkward to say the least. He felt so overwhelmed after meeting the Suthiluck family. He felt more than a little inadequate after seeing how they lived. How they dressed. He looked at his own clothes. His sleeping clothes was an old shirt that was given to him by Joon it was grey and had a large panda. It was over 2 years old but he still treasured it. He didn't want to cry knowing that any minute now his husband-to-be would come through that door. Tomorrow would be the day. 

How had he gotten himself into all this? Now there was no looking back. Once you had inserted yourself into the mating system there was no turning back. He took his phone out it was an old flip phone. A hand me down from his mother. His mother...  

There was quiet after the storm in the house. Arthit felt his body ache. His father had been upset with his mother again. Whether it was the food on the table, the chores that needed to be done, or the fact that she continued to take him to dance lessons. Arthit didn't know. His body did not ache from abuse. Up until this point, other than a smack or two every once in a while, he had not been hit much by his father. His back, legs, arms chest, they all hurt from being hit with a ruler. His mother continuously forced him to dance. Had he liked it? Yes at one point he had loved contemporary ballet so much that he'd smiled and giggled and he'd enjoyed the praises from the people around them. 

At the very start when his mother a world-renowned ballerina had smiled and praised him and felt proud of him that was when he most enjoyed it. But later as time went on she was only angrier and tougher on him. Despite the praises of the people around him, it was never enough. She would push him to practice for hours upon hours until he collapsed and his feet were bloodied and so numb he could not feel them. This time had been no different. He'd come limping and his father had immediately noticed. The two had gotten into an argument and his mother had yelled right back. When a fight had broken out he'd tried to get his father away from his mother but what he gained was a scratch mark from his mother and his father had then stormed off.

"Never get involved again." His mother had said to him after striking him. She'd always been so cold to him. But he loved her so much. His father was always in and out of jobs, he always felt so frustrated he drank most of his inheritance away. His mother was left with a ballet school that she tried to maintain as best she could. His father had stolen the paperwork and had sold it. Now she forced him to dance at the small community center.  His grades continued to slip despite how hard he'd tried he just could not focus on his studies or on his dance. 

The slamming of a door caused him to grow startled as he looked out the window. There was a cab outside and his mother was getting some bags out. Confused and scared he rushed outside.

"Oma" His mother was surprised but sighed before turning to look at him. She had a black eye, cut lip several bruises around her face. Still, it was clear she was trying to cover them with makeup. 

"Where are you going?"

"I have to leave Arthit. I can't stay here anymore. Your father is a monster." 

"Take me with you please Mai. Please." Despite her not saying those words out loud Arthit knew that she was leaving him behind. Tears were falling down his eyes while he begged like a small child. 

"I can't. I won't! I don't want to!" Her voice was firm and cold as she spoke causing Arthit to still at her words. 

"I'm sorry Arthit but I need to start fresh. Away from all this and away from you. It's not that I'm incapable of love because I am. But you... You're an unlovable child and no one will ever be able to love you." With those words, she got into the cab and it slowly drove away. It was snowing out, Arthit remembers the feel of the slow on his bloodied feet. He must have stood there for what felt like hours. His father found him crying his eyes out  on their front porch and only grew angry as he dragged him inside.