Snow | L.S.

Day Six

December 2007.

Tinsel wrapped around the staircases' handrails and handmade, sparkly decorations created by Year Seven were hung around the school as some desperate attempt to make a depressing institution somewhat Christmassy.

It pissed Louis off.

The canteen had started selling a sorry excuse of a Christmas dinner at lunchtime every Friday leading up to the Christmas holidays, including one dry slice of turkey, hard vegetables, one pig in a blanket and watery gravy. It was hardly worth having.

The autumn term whizzed by and the last day of school before the Christmas holidays arrived in a festive flurry. Everyone was in a jolly mood, hollering at friends in the corridors, buzzing with their Christmas plans. Louis saw a group of friends exchange gifts in the library with excited and grateful expressions. It would be the last day they would see each other until after the New Year.

Kingston Academy had pulled their weight and decided to allow a non-school uniform day and Louis stuck out like a sore thumb with his usual blazer, being the only student who didn't dress in a Christmas jumper or wear a pair of jeans, at least.

It seemed whatever he did, everyone was looking at him, so what was the point anymore?

Louis had taken his last end of term exam the previous week and had been focusing his time on his art A-level so he was prepared to come back refreshed after Christmas. Even just the thought of Christmas made his stomach churn. There was a time where he began his Christmas celebrations at the end of November but this year, he just wasn't feeling it. Since Zayn had left Kingston to start a college in the next town over, Louis had been trying to distract himself with his studies to make him forget that he was, in fact, alone, but it didn't seem to be working when his teachers took him aside to inform him that his grades had been dropping in both his English literature and graphic design A-levels. Art had been the only thing able to help him escape. If he sat in a quiet room with his headphones in, nothing could pull him back into reality.

He would turn seventeen in a week and his mother had asked him what he wanted for his birthday. But instead of a conventional answer she was expecting, like new pencils or driving lessons, Louis responded with a simple, "Nothing." Because what he really wanted could not be bought off a shelf.

He wanted his best friend back.

But he knew he wasn't mature enough to make the first move. He was still bitter about the escapades of last year, and every time he saw a particular smug, curly-haired bastard's face around school, he was just reminded of what Zayn had said to him. In that moment, Louis had felt his trust for his best friend fizzle into nothing like a bath bomb in water. It was the way that he wouldn't dream of using his insecurities against him, but yet Zayn had.

And it fucking hurt.

Just because you wish it was you.

It's not my fault that you're so uncomfortable in your sexuality that you can't own up to the fact that you like boys.

They were words that had haunted Louis' dreams and kept him awake at night for months.

Because Zayn was right.

After his GCSEs finished in May last year, Louis had had a long time to reflect on himself before school started back up again in September. Figuring yourself out was probably the hardest thing anyone had to do because no one but you knew the answer. Louis couldn't go up to his mum and say, Mum, I think might be gay, what do you think? No. It was something he had to figure out alone, and he cursed himself for thinking that Zayn would've been the perfect person to have beside him to support him considering he, too, had obviously gone through the same thing Louis was going through, and Louis was there for him when he needed it.