A Queen Conflicted (Alys Book #3)

Chapter 14

Endolynn's aching heart started to beat fast as she heard Dastrehan move closer behind her.
"What are you doing here?" Her voice was sharp and annoyed. She was purposely trying to sound irritated so that he would not be able to tell she had been crying.
"You left suddenly. No one was checking on you."

The fact that he was worried about her even after their fight the night before just made her feel even more sad. Tears spilled out of her eyes, and she was grateful that he could not see her face.
"I needed a moment to myself."
Dastrehan was quiet for a few seconds before he replied gently, "Do you want me to leave?"
Endolynn was not sure how to reply. It was true that she wanted to be alone, but she also wanted him to stay. Things had been left so horribly the night before between them; she wanted to fix it. But there was no way to fix it, no matter how much she might want to. Nothing could be done to fix things between them.
Unsure of how to answer, she grabbed at a chunk of brunette hair that she could run her fingers through anxiously. She focused her eyes on the lilacs in front of her to try and steady herself.
When she did not reply, Dastrehan stayed where he was.

The spring breeze made the lilac bushes in the garden dance, filling the air with a delicious fragrance. It felt wrong to be in such bad spirits in such a beautiful place.
Standing with her back turned to the king did not help Endolynn settle her emotions. The longer the silence between them went on, the more and more raw her feelings became.

"It hurts," Endolynn finally said, her voice catching a little.

"What does?" Dastrehan's voice was soft and caring, making her heart ache even more.

She took a deep unsteady breath.

"To be around you."
Dastrehan let out a long sigh, and Endolynn resisted the urge to turn towards him. She knew her words had hurt him even more than he already was.
"It is not my intention to cause you pain. I... I do not even know what I am doing here," he said gently, barely above a whisper.

It would have been easier on her soul if he were still angry like he had been the night before. Then, she could be angry back, and not standing there wishing he would take her into his arms.

"I know," Endolynn had to wait a bit to reply so that her voice would work, "But we always end up hurting each other."

Saying that truth out loud was painful, but freeing in a way.

She needed to leave. She needed to get herself together and get out of this space and back to the crowd where she could hide among her guests.
Pulling herself together and strengthening her resolve, Endolynn turned around and startled briefly; she had not realized how close he was to her. His chest was close enough that she would easily be able to touch him. When she looked up, his golden-brown eyes met her greens ones with an intensity she was not prepared for.
"Dastrehan, I..." She lost her voice as her eyes moved to his lips.

Everything about this situation made her mind scream out to her to leave. To flee.

But her heart and body wanted this.
Dastrehan's face moved closer, but he left space, waiting to see how she would react. When she did not pull away, he looked into her eyes one more time.
It was enough to break her resolve, and suddenly she found herself closing the mere inches between their faces.

Their lips met in a hard, desperate kiss that took Endolynn's breath away. As soon as it ended, another one started. Dastrehan reached an arm around her, pulling her closer to him. His other hand slipped behind her neck and the base of her skull so he could pull her face towards him while they kissed.

Endolynn snaked her arms around his neck, trying to ignore the guilty thoughts trying to intrude into her bliss.

She had wanted this for so long. Not just the days he had been here visiting, but for months while he had been gone.