I wake up.
But I never wake up, no matter
How many times that I do.
11, 12, 13
Times, in one morning, I try;
And to fail yet again
Just to feel the pressure begin
To strangle my head
It's a task that should be so simple
The sleep-wake cycle told me so
I was told it's natural
To sleep, and to sleep, and to wake up,
And to open my eyes to the yellow
Of their sun
And, oh, how my sun
Bleeds through my window,
Bleeding warm on my arms,
Matching red with my thighs
Filtering through the glass
Pouring over my body and onto the floor
All over the sheets, seeping into my head
Yellow light on my pillow, trying to say
I need to start waking up
And so they do !
They tell me I need to wake up
To be more like them because
I hurt how they are with the way
that I am
But they don't even care that they
Hurt me with the way that they are
Regardless of the fact, that they claim
to be Blessed by God
And they feel ready;
Ready for the day,
Excited, even, they seem so excited
For something so incredibly
Far from heaven, it makes even
The nastiest demons cry
And Heaven's favorite devils commit
Suicide
And here I am!
With my sun, unable to wake
the fuck up;
Just wishing someone would just tell me why,
Why it's so hard for me
To get myself out of bed each morning
And to fall asleep each night
Why my thoughts run in circles
And kill my god damned brain
Why the thoughts in my head
Hurt so fucking bad
Until the pressure builds up so high
That I need to get high to bring it back down
And put the blade down against my skin
Until my thoughts quiet down against my head
And the thoughts in my head
Stop biting my heart
Until I see my sun again
And the cycle restarts
