Glacial Passion

Chapter twelve

"How long do you think you'll be staying here?" Sirius asks. Regulus had gone out to fetch something for breakfast when Sirius had asked, using the whole 'you didn't invite me to your wedding' to get his way.

"I'm not entirely sure. Regulus wants to get a house, but he's rather picky about what type of house is acceptable. I am not as picky as my husband."

For the past two weeks, we've looked at homes across the surrounding areas. I had liked a few, but Regulus hadn't been as impressed by the things that I had. Where I saw a cozy cottage, Regulus saw a tiny dump of a house in most situations.

Reasoning with him did nothing for Regulus. While I promised we would make a small house feel large with a little love and renovation, Regulus countered that there wasn't enough room to live properly. He wanted a space for an office, a dining room, and at least three bedrooms for whatever reason. And it wasn't like we couldn't afford it; it just seemed silly to have so much space for the two of us only!

The reason for turning down the third house, not surprisingly, was because of lack of space.

"How could we live in a one-bedroom flat?" Regulus had complained as we walked out of the house showing.

"We only need one bedroom." I had argued back, "who are we housing beside ourselves?"

Regulus's face had colored at my questioning, and he had refused to elaborate on his thoughts and why he was so pink over a simple question.

I smile now over the little memory as I sip my morning tea.

"Earth to (y/n)," Sirius is waving his hand in front of my face, bringing me out of my memories.

"Yes, sorry. What did you say?"

"Wasn't saying anything really important, just asking about what kind of houses you've looked at."

I shrug, "The normal kind, I suppose. I personally want something on the smaller side. But it has to have personality, you know? After living in Grimmauld Place, I want to live somewhere with natural light and-- and a garden."

"I hear you. Mother was never one for interior decorating."

"Honestly, Sirius. It's more than that. Your mother haunts the house."

Sirius chuckles, "she followed you around a lot?"

"I would find her twenty steps behind me and always felt the need to talk to her to be polite... She never shut up about heirs. Ever!"

Sirius leans back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head, "sounds like mother."

I sit for a moment in silence before cautiously asking, "Were you ever in a similar situation with your parents?"

"Was I ever-- engaged or pressured the way you and Regulus have been?"

"Yes. I was just wondering since you-- well, you know." I wonder if I am being too intrusive.

The older man shrugs, "I was never formally engaged, but it was drilled into my head from a very young age what it meant to be the heir."

"I assumed as much," I say, taking a sip of my tea, "What exactly did your parents say to you about-- about heirs? I want to know why Regulus is so adamantly against children." This certainly is overstepping some sort of line, but maybe Sirius has some inside information I should know.

"Well, what has Regulus said to you?"

"He... well, he has shared some of the things that your mother did when the two of you were younger."

"The hexing and such, I assume?"

I nod, feeling the normal burst of anger that usually accompanied Regulus speaking about his time growing up in Grimmauld Place.

Sirius looks contemplatively at me for a moment before leaning forwards, "Regulus has always been the better son. He has always obeyed our parents, while I've been a little more-- rebellious. I think maybe it has something to do with that. You know how our mother pressures... She has done the same for both Regulus and me for the same reasons."

"I thought as much... You know, I'm not as interested in what your parents want or expect any longer. Just as I've given up the interests of my own parents, I want these things now for myself and Regulus."

Sirius nods, "I think his reasons are good in his head. We didn't have a normal childhood, and our parents were the furthest thing from a healthy example of parenting. I'm sure you're aware that Walburga has let us feel unlovable, and Regulus has particularly held onto the sentiment. If I were to diagnose his reason for disobeying our parents, it's because he doesn't want anyone else to feel unloved."

I feel tears at the corner of my eyes. That's exactly what it was. Regulus felt no one could love him because of the neglect from his parents. I can't believe I didn't see what was right in front of me this entire time.

"I've been so selfish-- Sirius, how could I..." The words can't find their way into the open.

"No, you were put in a situation you didn't ask to be. Regulus's trauma isn't yours to hold. I love my little brother, but you must know you're doing so much for him. You have nothing to feel guilty about, (y/n)."

I reach my hand out to hold his, "Thank you, Sirius-- I feel as if I've found some semblance of family between Regulus and you."

Sirius grins squeezes my fingers, "I'm glad that you feel that way. And when the time does come, I know that Regulus will be a much better father than he expects himself to be. Of course, you two are much too young to be concerning yourselves over babies." His smile widens, "not that I'm not entirely excited to have nieces and nephews."

I hide my face behind my large mug, "I suppose you are right. If I were, to be honest, I was pushing for it because everything in life already was so miserable."

"Understandable," Sirius looks me again in his inquisitive manner, "Walburga didn't do anything to you, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"She didn't do any unforgivable curses or hexes?"

I look at him in shock, "no! I-- I'm sure she would know I would go to my parents if that were the case. We are not on good terms, but they wouldn't stand for that behavior from her."

"Good. I just wanted to make sure. I wouldn't put it past my mother to be abusive towards Regulus's wife. She isn't one to be challenged. Well, at least she believes she isn't."

Chuckling, I set down my mug, "Thank you--" I'm interrupted by the slamming of the front door. Turning towards the door, I ask, "What on Earth was that?"

Sirius shrugs, "I-- I'm not sure."

***

I open Sirius's door quietly, excited to tell (y/n) about the home I found. I think it's the perfect compromise for the two of us. It's got three bedrooms, a space for an office, and a fantastic dining room with a view of the garden. Perfect for the future, we've begun to plan together.

I creep towards the sound of Sirius and (y/n) talking in the kitchen. I see her, still dressed in her pajamas, sipping her morning tea. Two sugars and a hint of cream were the way she took it. I'd memorized her order while on our Honeymoon. I found I could remember those small things about (y/n) as I got to know her. Perhaps it was because I wanted to know her at the level where I knew how she liked her tea or what color she liked to wear when she was in a happy mood. What song was her favorite...

I'm about to step into the kitchen when I see her hand in his. My blood seems to drain from my body-- no, freeze in my veins as I watch the scene in front of me. Sirius is grinning so wide at my wife. And my wife doesn't seem to care that her hand is in my brothers.

I turn back around without another word, out the door, and back into the morning sunshine. The weather hardly matches the clouds and ice I'm feeling at the moment.

How stupid am I? Of course, she would choose Sirius. In the end, everyone chose Sirius.