Letting love in (GTop)

Explanations

~Jiyong~

"Start from the beginning and don't leave anything out" I say letting my fingers trace over the letters carved into the stone once again. My fingers start to tremble, but I don't want him to be discouraged in telling me the truth, so I clutch my hand into a fist and let my arm dangle at my side.

I had never expected this, all of the time I spent worrying and imagining the outcome of coming to Busan with Seunghyun... I never saw this. All of that heart ache finally steps out of the shadows, announcing just how many pieces it shattered Seunghyun's heart into, causing empathy to swell deep inside of me and i soon find myself wanting to burst into tears over how much pain he had to go through.

Seunghyun sighs, thankfully not noticing my struggle, then nods complying to my demand "it all started back in middle school, when I first met Ravi..." he trails off briefly, closing his eyes like he's trying to remember every moment from that time, every detail of the past. I want to pull him back, I want desperately to reach over and make the pain recede back into that tightly locked box, but my need for answers trumps that desire completely.

He opens his eyes slowly, not focusing on anything and I get the sense that he's no longer with me, he's lost in the memories now. A place that holds a lot of pain for him, a place I know now is darker than he ever let on to it being.

"When I was younger I had a bit of a hard time making friends. I was kind of chubby, and kept to myself a lot. I never stood out enough to be noticed, so I was alone for most of my childhood... and for a while I think I was content to stay that way....but that all changed when a small, loud, and kind of obnoxious kid decided to come sit by me one day at lunch. We barely said a word to each other, but it was a comfortable silence, one that made you feel content just because someone else was there"

"Ravi didn't have any real friends either, people found him to hyperactive, and a little weird, but to me he was interesting and welcome. I didn't realize how much I wanted a friend, how much I craved that companionship till that boy decided that he didn't want to eat lunch alone one day"

"After that day, we both decided that we liked having the other around, not just because we didn't want to be alone but because we were so much like one another. We both had an obsession with music and a deep love for comic books, and we were always casted to the back of the crowed... we were just two nerdy kids, who no one really payed attention to. Which is why I think that we immediately became best friends... we understood each other on a level that no one else ever could"

I take a deep breath at this, letting the stab to my chest go quickly. Seunghyun had a strong connection to Ravi, i guess it kind of makes sense about how important he was to him, even if i hate to admit that to myself.

"When we got into jr high, we became closer, our interests still mirrored each other's, even though they changed. Every available moment was spent together, whether I was at his house and we were annoying his older brother, Namjoon, whom he lived with, or he was over at mine avoiding Taemin's constant attempts to hang out with us. Even during the summers, we were inseparable, and always lost in our own world."

"It didn't take long for me to figure out that I was gay, and I guess it was inevitable that I fell for Ravi. I know, cliché high school, 'I fell for my best friend' thing, but I did. I fell and I fell hard, the crazy thing was that I think Ravi knew how I felt about him, but never said anything because he knew he couldn't return my feelings. I tried a couple of times to ask him out or get him to see me as more than his friend... but non of it ever worked, in fact it only seemed to push him into the arms of others"

Seunghyun pauses and scratches at the back of his neck, almost as if it is an old habit resurfacing "You see, Ravi had an addiction... He was obsessed with being the center of someone's attention. He didn't just want it, he craved attention, and whoever gave said attention to him, got Ravi... in whatever way they wanted. I can't even count how many times I had to pull some guy off of him in some random empty room at school or go and pick him up in the middle of the night from some strangers house"