Vita et Mors

Chapter 3

The cloudy sky reflected my mood as I stared down at the hole in the ground. I could feel the concerned faces staring in my direction. Mikasa stood next to me in silence. She tried to comfort me by reaching out to hold my hand, but I flinched at the touch. As they lifted the casket to lower down into the hole, I wanted to jump in and stop them, for them to take me instead and put the soil over my body.

Once the casket hit the bottom of the ground, a flurry of birds rained down on the service. Amongst them was Isabel, who charged directly at me with such ferocity I wanted to run, but instead, I stood still as she dove toward my eyes. I could hear my mother's voice as Isabel cawed, "Eren, wake up," at her command, I sat up and found myself in a hospital room.

 The warm blanket wrapped around me provided me some comfort after the nightmare, but the image of my dad hooked up to a dozen machines brought me back to reality. Across from me, near the window, was Mikasa, sound asleep. I looked outside and saw that it was still nighttime, so not much time had passed. Despite the headache I felt from the crying from earlier, I stood up and made my way to my dad's side. The bandage wrapped around his head and the oxygen mask that kept him breathing made my heart ache, and the tears threatened to spill again.

After a while of just staring at his body, I felt an unknown rage as I looked up at the window and saw Isabel perched. Without a thought, I strutted to the window, disturbing Mikasa, and threw the window open. I let out all my rage as I screamed at the bird, wishing that it would just drop dead, "You're not my friend anymore, leave! You hear me? Leave!" But the bird resisted. She cawed at me and scratched my arms as if trying to pull me out of the window. Mikasa pulled me back into the room and forcefully pushed me into the chair. "Eren, it's just a bird. Calm down," she said, glancing back at the bird and then back at me as the tears fell down my face. 

I knew I shouldn't have asked him about the key.

She wrapped her arms around me in one last attempt to comfort me. I wanted to push her away, but I couldn't. I pushed aside my anger for her and just melted into her embrace. The nerve-wracking sobs that escaped my throat shook my entire body. I hadn't heard them since the day my mother had died. The hurt I felt was an escape from death that would always follow me wherever I went. It didn't matter if I left to start a life alone; it would always follow me. 

Death is inevitable. 

I noticed that Mikasa wore her scarf, and for a moment, I felt happy that I hadn't caused too much of a rift between us and that our relationship was salvageable. With death looming at the door, I felt like I had to reconcile with her right then and there. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean to say all those awful things. I just get caught up in the moment." Mikasa just held me tighter. Although she said nothing, I knew she had forgiven me. My stubbornness had wholly left me; instead, fear crept in—the fear of losing my family. I took one last look at my father and lulled myself to sleep in my sister's arms.

-

I woke up to the sound of the window unlocking; peering out of the window, careful not to disturb Mikasa, I saw Isabel standing on a tree branch. The anger I felt disappeared as I looked down at her necklace. There was another note, a bit thicker than the last one. I swiped the note and opened it. It was a message from Hanji asking about the key. I crumpled the paper in a rage and threw it at the bird. "Over my dead body!" The bird then squealed excitedly, and I followed her gaze to my chest. I didn't realize I had taken the key with me.

In seconds, the bird took advantage of my confusion, stole the key, and flew away. I scrambled in a panic as I looked back at Mikasa and my dad. I didn't want to leave them after what happened, but I felt my duty was to keep the key safe. I had to get it back.