Dear friend, I love you

12. Hold me tight

Erica

The week has been one big mess. Fucking bad one.
I was sad all the time, and I wanted to cry every moment I had by myself. And so I did. Even at the studio's bathroom, after my client left.
After the night I slept in Aleksi's arms we haven't seen each other. We both have been in hurry and we have only texted and facetimed once. He made me feel better for a moment. I always smiled when I saw him texting me or calling.

"Ah, finally it's friday. And free weekend." Verneri sighed in relief when he sat behind the counter in a chair. I just finished practising to fake skin.
"Any plans today?" He then asked, leaning against the counter with his hands while he looked me cleaning places a little bit.
"I'm going out with Aleksi and his friends." I said.
Verneri nodded, he looked a little disappointed?
I feel like he's lonely. I looked at him for a second, he just opened his hair from that messy bun and shook his head a little.
"Uhm.. would you like to come with us..?" I asked quietly and walked closer to the counter. He just lifted his head up and looked me with those brown eyes.
"I'm sure you guys can survive there without me." He said and started to text someone.
I just nodded lightly, but he didn't notice that.

"Are you okay..? Like.. you have been a little bit sad lately?" I asked gently and he lifted his head up again.
"I know it doesn't belong to me or anything but.. you know where to find me if you need company or someone to talk with." I continued and walked to the backroom. He didn't say anything.
My shift was ending anyways so I packed my things and started to leave, I walked past the counter.
"Erica..." Verneri said and I stopped, and turned around. He stood up and walked to me, he stood about two meters away from me and he put his hands to his hoodie's pockets.
"I-" He started and looked at his feet.
"You're right. I have been little sad lately.." He continued and lifted his head slowly up to look at me. I nodded.
"I have a crush to one woman.. and she doesn't notice me." He said.

"I don't know why I'm telling this but.. maybe you would've had some advice, like what to do? You're a woman and you probably know better.." He explained and I smiled a little.
"Of course. What does she likes?" I asked and he crossed his arms to his chest, and chuckled a little.
"I don't know. We haven't talked about that kind of stuff. You know.. she has someone but I don't know if they are together." He said and I nodded again.

"Maybe you should find that out. And if they are not together, make her notice you. Ask to go out, praise her, and maybe buy flowers?" I started to give him options and he nodded, listening carefully.
"Do you like flowers?" He asked.
"I mean, not everyone likes. What kind of flowers women likes?" He continued and I chuckled a little.
"Well I like red roses, and I'm sure that every woman appreciate you for buying flowers, no matter what flowers they are." I said and he nodded smiling.

"Now I know what flowers to buy to you when you have birthday." He smirked. I chuckled.
"But you don't know my birthday?" I raised my eyebrow, grinning.
"Sixth day of january." He smiled, I looked confused and shocked by now. And that's the reason why Verneri laughed a bit.
"Facebook." He grinned and then walked back to the counter, I walked out of the studio.

I drove home, and I ate and feed Ville. After that I watched netflix about an hour, until I started to scroll my phone. We would go to the bar in two hours.
I was getting sad again, because of my mom. We haven't talked to each other since I moved from Oulu. We had a huge fight before I left there, we screamed to each other and she made me cry.
I love her, but she doesn't support me. I felt uncomfortable around her, I felt insecure all the time. She always stared my tattoos in my hands, and shook her head when I arrived her house in black clothes.
What did I do wrong? We used to be so close and we laughed and talked all the time. But when I found my style and what I want to do with my life, everything changed.
My dad was the best. He supported me, and helped me to find myself.
I love him the most, he was so caring and funny.
But he didn't tell anyone his pain, so he decided to end his life and left me here all alone.

I miss him. More than anything.

I was crying again, and Ville jumped to my lap and he purred. Ville always comes to me when I'm crying. I love that cat. Somehow he reminds me of dad. Dad was always there when I was crying, or when I was sad.

Someone rang my doorbell, I flinched and watched the clock. "Shit.." I quietly said. We should go to the bar now. Have I been crying this long time?
I walked to the door and opened it, I probably looked like shit.
Aleksi stood there smiling, but the smile fade away when he saw my red eyes.
"Come in.. I will be fast to get ready." I said and tried to cover my face. He stepped in and closed the door, I walked to my bedroom to change clothes.
"Have you cried? Is everything okay?" He asked worried and stood behind the bedroom door, which was almost closed.
"I'm fine." I said and changed my jeans. I took random shirt from my closet and put it on, but then I noticed it had a small zipper at the back.
I tried to close it, but of course I failed. I was so emotional right now so my nerves were really thin.
I sighed and tried not to scream.
"Aleksi?" I asked.
"Yeah?"
"Come in." I said my eyes closed. I heard the door getting open, my back was facing him and I moved my hair to the other side of my shoulder, so the zipper showed.

I guess he got it and walked closer, and then I felt his cold fingers in my skin, and he pulled the zipper up. It made shivers to my body. I tried not to cry, but a sob left from my mouth.
I covered my mouth with hand and closed my eyes again. Tears were here again. Aleksi still stood behind me, and he placed his arm to my shoulder.
"Erica.." He said quietly.
I turned around and he hugged me. I wrapped my hands around his body, and let the tears fall down.
"Is there anything I can do..?" He asked.
"Just hug me.." I mumbled against his chest.

After a while we sat on the edge of my bed, I finally had calmed down and I didn't cry anymore.
"We don't have to go if you don't feel like it." He caressed my back.
"No, I want to go. I need to get my thoughts away from everything. Let's go, boys are probably waiting already." I stood up and started to walk to the hallway, Aleksi followed me.

As we got in the bar, I was right. Everyone were waiting for us, but they have already started drinking.
Niko patted the empty space next to him and I sat there.
"We already ordered for you guys. Why it took so long?" Joel asked smirking as he gave us the beers. Aleksi sat across from me. We looked at each other for a moment.
"Life is just.. from ass sometimes." I said and took a long sip of the beer. Everyone stared at me for a moment, but they didn't ask any more guestions about it.
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This chapter was very therapeutic for me to write, so many similar thoughts and emotions.
Remember to take care of yourself, and your family and friends. Sometimes only a hug is better than words, I wish I could get an hug from someone.
Thank you for reading and supporting 🖤