Bonus: This Is Exactly Why You Should Never Trust Scara With Your Secrets

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Alright, since I can't get a specific TikTok out of my head, here's how I feel it would go:

Tartaglia: its against the tsaritsas orders to betray a fellow harbinger

Tsaritsa: Yes, I did say that. 

Scaramouche is typing...

Pucinella: So, what do you have to say for yourself, Scara?

Pierro: do tell

Scaramouche: nothing rly

Scaramouche: but before i go, childe pls do remember

Scaramouche: 

Scaramouche: so is getting on ur knees for another archon 

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Scaramouche: so is getting on ur knees for another archon 

Tsaritsa: WHAT?!

Pucinella: CAUGHT IN 4-FUCKING-K

Signora: I'm a ghost and even I'm shocked

Dottore: OH MY ARCHONS WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-

Colombina: 'scuse me bitch i thought we were friends

Pantalone: childe's a bottom?

Capitano: u didn't know??

Pantalone: nope

Pantalone: sandrone take a look at this 

Sandrone: I'm seeing it and I'm in shock

Tartaglia: SCARA WTF

Tartaglia: I THOUGHT U PROMISED

Scaramouche: lmao nah

Tartaglia: thought u were bae

Tartaglia: turns out ur just fam

Tsaritsa: Anything else you wish to tell me, my dear 11th?

Scaramouche: he had kids with morax (two boys two girls) and adopted some adepti

Colombina: dude

Dottore: wtf did you do in liyue

Tartaglia: fine then scara

Tartaglia: at least i didnt have a son with one of inazuma's most wanted (think his name was kazuha)

Tsaritsa: I-

Tsaritsa: I'm done.

Tsaritsa: Since when did you manage to have children?

Tartaglia: idk just happened

Tartaglia: also dottore

Dottore: yes?

Tartaglia: my daughter Qiqi keeps saying that her boss, dr baizhu from bubu pharmacy, keeps mumbling about an "annoyingly endearing fatui with green hair" and "stupid snezhnayan doctor"

Tartaglia: so explain

Dottore: haha...

Dottore is offline

Tartaglia: I KNEW IT 

Tartaglia: YOU ARE SEEING DR BAIZHU HA

Tsaritsa: Pucinella, when I kill myself, ensure that Zapolyarny Palace will be safe and keep the Fatui running effectively.

Pucinella: YOUR MAJESTY!


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