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"Happy Thanksgiving everyone!" Cordelia exclaims as we all listen intently.
"Happy Thanksgiving!" everyone replies back before we all take a seat at the dining table. This is it Y/N. You take a minute to breathe and as you look around the table you're met with the sight of many glamorous dishes. Your breathing becomes unsteady, everything is just too overwhelming. As you take your normal seat next to Cordelia, she grabs onto your hand, giving a gentle squeeze. Looking up, you see she's wearing her signature reassuring smile. She's here too. Focus on her. Everyone begins to eat eagerly as you take a few green beans off the serving plate. You take a glance at everyone else's plates and realize yours is bare, only sporting a few skinny green beans.
"Wow Y/N, didn't know you were on a diet," Madison smirks.
Your eyes fall to your lap as tears brim your eyes. You don't answer Madison's snarky comment, it'll only make things worse. You swallow the lump that had gathered in your throat and began to take a bite of the beans on your plate. Slowly picking at your plate, you see Madison holding the bowl of mashed potatoes.
"Here Y/N, have some. It's fucking amazing!" she brings a scoop of potatoes on to your plate before carrying on with her conversation with Zoe. You stare at the mess on the plate you had in front of you. Get rid of it, you thought. Frantically, you look around the room. Everyone seems to be distracted in a conversation that you probably have time to scoop the potatoes into a napkin and dispose of them at the end of the night. A small cough catches your attention; Cordelia. You can tell she was worried about you because her eyes never left your frame.
"Darling, are you alright? You've barely touched your food," Cordelia's melodic voice rang through your ears.
Shit.
"Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about how grateful I am to be here with you all tonight," you blurted out.
The supreme's face relaxed a bit, "That's sweet of you love but make sure to eat."
You flashed her a smile before taking a small spoonful of potatoes off your plate and placing them in your mouth. Cordelia's eyes finally left yours and you began to slowly get through your plate. Before you knew it, your dish was empty. You hadn't been paying attention to the food but rather the conversation at hand. Shit. You felt your throat begin to close, the room began to spin, and thoughts began to wander. What have you done?
The next thing you knew, you were excusing yourself from the table and barreling to the restroom. Tears began to spill from your eyes as you looked in the mirror. How was it even possible to look five times the size you did this morning? You idiot. You're so fat. The thoughts screamed at you. You hurried in quiet footsteps to the scale where you were just this morning. You glanced at the little numbers on the screen and suddenly you weren't as okay with them as you were that very morning. Your breaths became shallow as you tried to drown out your cries with the palms of your hands. Fatfuck. You kneeled in front of the toilet and shoved two fingers down. Throw it up! You ate too much! You threw up until you couldn't anymore. You cried until there weren't any tears left. You were just a shell of a human left curled up on the floor.
"Y/N?"
Cordelia.
"Y/N, sweetheart, are you in there?" Cordelia called out, knocking softly on the door.
"Y/N, honey, can you let me in?" she spoke again, this time more cautiously.
You couldn't speak. How could you tell her? How could she want you now?
"Y/N, I'm coming in, baby" she stated firmly before opening the door. Upon seeing you, Cordelia gasped. Your heart sunk to your chest when you heard the door open. Well, that's it. She hates me. Your tears began to flow freely now. Anger bubbled in your stomach, not at Cordelia but at what you had just done.
"You need to leave, Cordelia," you coldly looked up at her. Her face looked more confused than sad.
"What happened, love?" she said as she began to crouch to your level on the floor. She brought her hand up to cup your cheek. As you felt yourself flinch, you felt her move away. It broke your heart seeing that Cordelia thought you were afraid of her. All you wanted was to hold her close but your body was just rejecting it. Your breathing began to get heavier. Why does it feel like I'm drowning?
"Y/N, darling," Cordelia noticed your hands shaking and your breath hitching, "Hey, breathe sweet girl, breathe. You're alright Y/N, I've got you."
When you realized that Cordelia wasn't mad, you threw yourself into her embrace.
"I'm so sorry," you sobbed, "I'm sorry, please don't leave me."
"Woah, slow down, honey. What happened?" she pulled me into her lap and captivated my gaze. Your breathing began to slow and the world was a little less blurry.
"I'm sorry, Cordelia. It was just too much. I ate too much, I feel so fucking fat! How could you even like me?"
"Hey, slow down, look at me. It's just me and you, baby. Take a few deep breaths, settle that sweet mind of yours," she whispers while tucking a small piece of hair out of my face, "Good, now how long have you been feeling like this, sweetheart?"
"Months," you reply back.
"Oh, my angel, why didn't you tell me?"
"I was afraid you'd leave me. That, maybe, you'd think the same things I think about myself. I don't want to lose you Delia."
"Baby, I'd never leave you over this. Especially over this. I want to be here for you and I'm sorry I haven't been noticing."
"It's not your fault Dee, I didn't want you to know."
"I still should've known. We're going to get through this though, alright? You and me, whatever it takes. If you need a doctor, so be it. I'll do anything to help you, love bug."
"That means so much to me, you don't even know. I love you, Cordelia."
"I love you more, sweet girl. Now, let's get you all cleaned up, shall we?"
You nod slowly, now feeling tired after today's events.
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AN: and done :) happy thanksgiving everyone, make sure to be safe. suggestions are always open :)
