Modern Family- Ashley Dunphy

pilot

"Kids! Breakfast!" I hared mom shout. I'm Ashley Dunphy the second oldest daughter to Phil and Claire Dunphy. You have my older twin sister Haley. We are fairly similar. You have our younger sister Alex she's a geek she's 13. Then you have our youngest brother brother Luke. He is not the brightest bulb there is.
"Kids! Get down here!" I hared dad yell. Haley went down the stairs first I followed swiftly behind. Haley had a short skirt on and I had short shorts on.
"Why are you guys yelling at us when we're way upstairs? Just text us." Haley said. I agreed walking to the table.
"Alright that's not gonna happen and wow you both are not wearing them outfits." Mom starts. I look at her slightly confused.
"What's wrong with them?" I asked.
"Honey do you have anything to say to your daughters about their skirt and shorts?" Mom asked dad. I rolled my eyes slightly.
"(looks up from his phone) Sorry. Oh yeah it looks really cute sweethearts." Dad answered I smiled at him.
"Thanks." Me and Haley said.
"No it's way to short. People know you two are girls you don't need to prove it to them." Mom complained.
"(enters) Luke got his head stuck in the banister." Alex said.
"(sighs) Again." I said high fiving Alex.
"I got it. Where's the baby oil?" Dad asked.
"It's on our bedside tab- (mutters) I dunno. Find it. (walks into the cupboard door) Come on!" Mom said. I sat on the couch looking at the camera.
"I honestly don't know how mom and dad raised me Luke Alex and Haley all these years." I stated looking into the camera which was facing me. I was sat on the couch watching dad get Luke unstuck.
"Buddy why do you keep getting stuck like this?" Dad asked.
"I thought I could get out this time." Luke answered I got up and stood next to Alex.
"We're just gonna say it he needs to be checked by a specialist." Alex said for both me and her.
"(frees Luke from the banister) There. Be free, Excalibur." Dad said. I just looked at my phone.
"We're having friends over today." Haley said. I nodded.
"Who?" Mom asks.
"You don't know them." I answered.
"Is it boys?" Mom asked.
"Yes." I answered.
"Him. Him?" Mom asked.
"Ooh boys. You're gonna kiss-" Luke starts.
"Shut up." Haley butted in. Alex and Luke start arguing.
"Easy easy..." Dad tried.
"Luke Alex why don't you take this outside okay?" Mom asked.
"And do what?" Alex answered.
"Fight in the sun it'll be a nice change. I'm kidding." Dad answered.
"Haley, Ashley. Who are the boys?" Mom asked.
"Their names are Dylan and Brodie. You know what we might as well tell them not to come because you guys will embarrass us." I state.
"Honey, it's the first time you're having boys over, I'm bound to be a little surprised, but I'm not going to embarrass you." Mom pointed out.
"I better charge the camcorder." Dad said.
"Uggggghhh." Haley said she was clearly annoyed.
"I'm kidding. Come on. Who are you talking to?" Dad asked.
"You're not going to embarrass me? You guys embarrass me every single day!" Haley said.
"Honey, relax." Mom said.
"Yeah take a chill pill biotch." Dad said.
"No dad don't do that again." I tell him. I heard a door slam.
"Mom! Dad!" Alex shouts. She appears in the door holding her arm.
"What happened?" I asked her.
"Luke just shot me." Alex answered.
"I didn't mean to." Luke tried. Haley went to our room.
"Doubt it Luke." I said looking at him.
"Are you okay?" Mom asked Alex.
"No the little bitch shot me." Alex answered.
"They're just plastic BBs. It was an accident." Luke tried.
"What did I tell you would happen if you brought him a gun?" Mom asked dad. I just looked between them.
"What did I tell you would happen if you shot any animal or any person?" Dad asked Luke.
"That you would shoot me." Luke answered.
"That's right! Come on. Let's go." Dad said before walking to the garden.
"Dad he's got a birthday party." I pointed out from the calendar.
"He can't show up with a big hideous welt. You can shoot him later. He'll be home at two." Mom said.
"Does anyone care about my hideous welt?" Alex asked.
"Let me look." I said dragging her to the bathroom where the first aid kit was.
"Thanks Ashley." Alex said.
"Your welcome." I answered checking it and putting water on it.
"Can you help me with a project your the only one who did the test and got full marks." Alex asked. She never asked for help. But I did do all the tests and subject Alex did and payed attention to it. Not like Haley who cares about boys and makeup instead.
"Yeah I'll help." I answered.
A few hours later the doorbell went off. I looked at Haley. It was Dylan and Brody.
"Don't answer it. We'll get it." I yelled running down the stairs. I just got to the bottom as mom opened the door.
"Hello you must be Dylan and Brodie." Mom said.
"Hello. Dylan. Yes." Dylan started.
"Brodie yes." Brodie said. I got in-front of Brody so mom couldn't get to him. Haley did the same but with Dylan.
"Hey. Let's go." Haley said. I nodded. I started dragging Brodie up the stairs.
"Hang on. How old are you Dylan, Brodie?" Mom asked.
"17." Dylan answered.
"I'm 16." Brody answered.
"Oh that's um." Mom tried.
"Oh no not dad." I complained.
"Phil Dylan and Brodie are here. Dylan's 17 and Brodie's 16." Mom said.
"Sweet. Let me meet these players. (offered fist bump) Phil Dunphy." Dad said.
"Dad they know who you are." I said.
"Yo." Dylan stated making me chuckle. Haley looked at me confused.
"Sorry." I said turning around to laugh into the wall. I heard dad say something but I couldn't hear him over me laughing.
"Okay, we that you guys..." Haley stated before dad interrupted. Skip to Ashley on the couch in front of the camera.
"No idea what you are on about there dad was being embarrassing." I stated. "And I mean so bad it's worse for Haley." I started laughing again. "He is always embarrassing. Last week alone he came to pick me up from school and he yelled my baby nickname out the window in front of all my friend's"
"Wait, wait, wait! You four... you four keep it real, know what I mean, son?" Dad asked.
"Please stop." I begged.
"Not really." Dylan answered.
"Please stop." Haley stated agreeing with me.
"That's cool. (hand slips off stair rail) Ow! Oh god, that's my back!" Dad complained.
"Sweetheart..." Mom started.
"Ow! Oh, I slipped on the baby oil." Dad moaned.
"You'll live dad." I stated looking at him.
"(being carried by Dylan) Ow, ow, ow, ow." Dad stated.
"I don't know about this. Should I call a doctor?" Mom asked.
"No, no, no, no, no. You're very strong, homes." Dad answered.
"Thanks." Dylan stated as he places dad on the couch.
"Okay, nice. Nice soft landing." Dad pointed out.
"There you go." Dylan finished.
"Okay, let's go." Haley stated as me her Brodie and Dylan leave. I was on my bed which was built above Alex's. Haley was on hers watching a film with Dylan. My laptop was playing Legally Blond as I tried not to fall asleep. Alex walked into the room.
"Alex get out. Mom!" Haley yelled as I shot up.
"It's fine it's only Alex." Brodie said as I lay back down. I fell asleep laying across Brodies chest. I was woken up by Brodie.
"What's up?" I muttered.
"I have to go as you and Haley have that family thing in 20 minutes." Brodie stated as I sat up in bed.
"Okay bye." I stated sitting up. Brodie kissed me slightly before getting out of bed.
"I love you see you soon." He stated as he went to leave. I got out of bed.
"I love you too." I stated as I went to my closet. I ended up at Uncle Mitchell's house.
"Hey!" Mitchell stated opening the door.
"Hey!" We cheered as we walked inside I hugged Mitchell before sitting down.
"How are you? (gets wine from Phil) Thank you." Mitchell stated.
"Oh, don't thank us. Open it; dad is coming right behind." Mom said as the doorbell rings again.
"We're here! Coming in!" Grandpa stated walking in.
"Don't worry, dad. Nothing gay going on here. May I take your multi-coloured coat and bejewelled cap?" Michell asked.
"What is that cap grandpa?" I asked him looking at it.
"Yeah. Hey to you too Ash." Grandpa stated kissing my forehead.
"Hey, Jay." Dad stated.
"Gloria, hi. How are you? Hi dad." Mom stated.
"Hi Gloria. How are you? Oh, beautiful dress." Dad piped up.
"Oh, thank you. Feel." Gloria stated.
"Okay." Dad stated as he starts feeling Gloria's dress.
"Phil. That's how she says "Phil". Not "feel". "Phil"." Mom pointed out.
"Oh." Dad muttered as he stopped.
"So how was your trip?" Grandpa asked.
"It was good. It was good, actually, but, um, about that... I... I have something that I need to tell you guys. Um... uh, we didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We, uh... kinda have some big news." Mitchell stated.
"Oh god, if Cam comes out here with boobs, I'm leaving.
"Somehow grandpa that is near to impossible." I stated.
"Dad..." Mom tried.
"I hope he didn't embarrass you, mom." Haley stated.
"Oh, don't mind her. Hayley had her first boy over today and... Phil shot him. Ashley also had a boyfriend round but they were asleep." Mom stated.
"Do you have footage of that Alex?" I asked as Alex played a video.
"...Anyway. Um... so about a year ago, Cam and I started feeling this longing, you know, for something more like, uh... maybe a baby?" Mitch asked.
"Oooh, that's a bad idea." Grandpa stated.
"What do you mean "bad idea"?" Mitch asked.
"Well, kids need a mother. I mean, if you two guys are bored, get a dog." Grandpa pointed out.
"We're not bored, dad." Mitch stated.
"Mitch?" I asked looking around the room.
"Yeah Ash?" Mitchel asked.
"Where's Cam?" I asked him.
"I support you, Mitchell, even though you're not my son." Gloria stated ignoring me.
"I-I-I think what dad is trying to say is that Mitchell, you're a little uptight, kids bring chaos and you don't handle it well." Mom tried.
"Oh, uh, that's not what dad is saying; that's what you're saying and it's insulting in a whole different way." Mitchell finished.
"Okay people, let's all chillax." Dad tried.
"Hey, where's uncle Cameron?" Alex asked agreeing with me.
"Final- thank you. Thank you. Two people who are not insulting me notices he's not here." Mitchell stated.
"Aaah, so that's the big announcement, huh? You two broke up. Well, a baby wasn't gonna help that anyway. And you know, let me tell you: you're a lot better off because he was a bit of a drama queen." Grandpa stated.
"Okay, no, no, no, stop! You come into my house and you insult me and my boyfriend who, by the way, is not that dramatic and- ("Circle of Life" starts playing; lights dim) Oh god... (Cameron enters carrying Lily; holds her up as spotlight shines on her) We adopted a baby. Her name is Lily." Mitchell stated.
"No way." I cheered standing up.
"Isn't it exciting?" Cam asked.
"Just turn it off." Mitchell answered.
"I can't turn it off; it's who I am." Cam answered.
"The music." Mitchell stated.
"Oh, yes, the music. (turns it off) Come say hi to Lily!" Cam stated as we all fawn over Lily grandpa stands from afar.
"Lily. Isn't that gonna be hard for her to say?" Dad asked.
"Um, excuse me. Okay, I-I know that I said I thought this was a bad idea, but, uh... what do I know? I mean, it's not like I wrote the book on fatherhood. I've been trying all my life to get it right; I'm still screwing up. Right, Manny?" Grandpa asked.
"I wrote a song about it in the car." Manny answered.
"Of course you did. Uh... anyway, I'm happy for you and, uh, you should know that, uh, I'm not here to spit in your face; I'm here to blow at your back. (family's confused) It's supposed to sound better in Spanish." Grandpa stated as Gloria repeats it in Spanish.
"Ah, that's beautiful." Cm stated.
"Anyhow, Mitch..." Grandpa tried.
"No, dad, it's... (takes Lily) Do you wanna meet grandpa?" Mitchell asked.
"Are you kidding? She's one of us now. Let me see your little podsticker. Hey! You're a cutie, aren't you? Ah." Grandpa stated.